Yesterday a.m. two friend of mine who had been separated for maybe a month were involved in a murder/suicide. There are 3 children between the ages of 10 and 15 left behind to live thru this. Although they are blessed to have family and friends to support them it just seems so unjust for them to have to deal with this in their lives. My heart breaks for them. And though i know how wrong this act was i can understand his pain the feeling of not wanting to face life without the other person. Why he took her also is something that will never be answered because i know he loved his children. how do people find the strength to be courageios when life changes on a dime. For these children life has changed in a heartbreaking way and though there are relatives and others to comfort them it is not the comfort they would choose if they could. And we all would like to see them go on and thrive eventually. I could not help but see the similartiy for those of us who have been abandoned and thrust into a life we did not choose being rejected by the one person we would choose to comfort us but it is that very person that brings us pain. Our grief is a very lonely place to be. How do we go on in a new life without feeling that it will always be an alternative life, a second best life? Does it feel like we must settle forever? How uninspiring and depressing is that? I realize that i now see circumstances thru filters that probably alter my perception of reality and things. Does that change in time to a more healty view. I am at a loss of who and where i am and wonder what i can possibly enjoy about life or contribute to the life of my son or others.
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