Breakups & Divorce Support Group

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The words I never thought I would hear....

deleted_user
deleted_user
Tonight stbx and I had parent-teacher conf. for our daughter. Afterwards, we stood outside and talked. He admitted to missing me very much as well as the kids and that he was having a hard time dealing with things. Then he asked if could tell me something....? I said sure.. He told me that part of him wants to make things work with us and the other part of him never thought he would say anything because he would be too proud. I told him I was happy he told me. But great now what do I do? I told him we still needed to go thru with the divorce, I still need to work on me and he MOST certainly needs to work on him. If after everything is done and counseling is done, than we can talk.

You would think I would be happy, but I am REALLY confused. I have spent the past 10 weeks trying to convince my heart why I don't need him. I know he is not to be trusted. Even though the ow was very short lived and they are done, the fact he was able to do something like that is the point. It was nothing physical other than a kiss, but still. And I don't know if I believe that. Anyways, I could go on and on... as if I didn't feel lost before, I feel completely LOST!!!
deleted_user
deleted_user
no answer -- but I have wondered what I would do in that situation -- i got as far as knowing that the divorce has to be finalized -- not sure what happens after that -- wish I could help, I know the question not the answer1
deleted_user
deleted_user
What would be so hard to unconditionally loving him like when you got married?
deleted_user
deleted_user
Trust me, I love this man like no other ever in his life. But he has abused my trust and I've been to giving of it. I deserve to be treated like a woman and a wife and to be wanted. I do love him unconditionally, but he has made a HUGE mistake that has left me gasping for air... he has knocked the wind out of me...
deleted_user
deleted_user
sounds to me like you are "found" and just don't like where you have found yourself. I get that.... i may be there also.
downforthecount
downforthecount
Do you think that some of us just tend to over analyze things a bit? Instead of just getting on with the process of living?
CanadianRose
CanadianRose
I am not in a good mood.

So I am not going to be the Kind and Gentle Sensible Canadian right now.

You answered much of your own question already;

" I know he is not to be trusted. Even though the ow was very short lived and they are done, the fact he was able to do something like that is the point."

so..there... think about it...
deleted_user
deleted_user
Yikes, everyone... Ok. I get it I guess...I'll think before I ask next time... I really wasn't thinking, just writing...
deleted_user
deleted_user
thats a tough one. I know that it has been about 10 weeks for me so we are at a similuar time spot. I know my husband still loves me. I know I still love who he was to me in our marriage for a long time. I am just starting to be ok for the most part alone. I dont know what I would do if that came up for me. I do know that I would not move back in with him and that is about it.
Blessing my dear
deleted_user
deleted_user
Wait a minute.... the OW was just a kiss? OK, I think you need to ask yourself, deep down, in your heart, what do you really want? If you truly want a divorce, then ok. But, you say you want this man in your life. Is the divorce to punish him, or because you think you have to do it? Maybe just stop and give him a chance. There is a reason why it takes so long to get a divorce. It's to give everybody the chance to really think about things. Take a little time to mull this over. And discuss it with your friends & family who maybe know the situation better. But, in the end, you are the only one who can make this decision. Consider forgiving him, accepting what has happened, and maybe moving forward. You can still do all the counseling in the mean time. You can take it slow. You don't have to let him back in right this second. Good Luck, whatever you choose to do.
julik
julik
I would be so thrilled if this happened to me.....however ---- I don't know that I could trust him again. For a long time I only heard that he would love me forever, divorce would never be an option, we would work on any problems and never give up. Obviously none of that was true, how/why could I believe him now. But having said, I would still make the effort, but not by moving back in together. I'd want to move at a snail's pace, work on my own personal counseling and do some type of couples therapy / program. The last thing that I want is this divorce (he is leaving not me, he gave up not me), but it would take me a really long time to build up that trust again.
deleted_user
deleted_user
My Grandmother recently said something to me and I think it might help you a tiny bit: "You can love someone, but that doesn't mean you have to trust them". My husband cheated on me 2x that I know of. I forgave him for the first one -- the second is still raw. But I never trusted him the same way again. And until you know you can trust your husband again, being in a relationship would be hard. I'm not sure we can be truly emotionally intimate with a partner we don't trust. I am proud of you for going forward with your counseling, and the divorce, too, since you feel that's necessary. Consider your talk a little gift from God and keep working on you ... if you're meant to be together have faith it will happen when it's supposed to!!!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I feel you pain, and often wonder if it will come to that for me and my soon to be ex. He messed up to with a short lived fling...I think it was short lived anyway. How do you ever really know for sure??? I'm sorry I can't give you to much advice, except go with your heart, and give yourselfs time to heal. Good luck to us both!
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