
Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

deleted_user
My husband and I have been having marital problems for a couple of years now. He says he does not feel loved by me and I love him SOOOO much. I am always trying to do things to please him. But he says that the attention that he gets from his friend (a female) is why he clings on to her and hangs out with her and not me. Recently my husband has moved out and is staying with one of his male friendsbut our kids (3 little girls) miss him and wants him home. He has now started to stay home and when I asked the reason he says that the kids wanting him there is the biggest reason that he is now starting to sleep at home. He does not act like he wants to be around me.he goes by the neighbor and spends time over there. When he comes homehe stays downstairs and watches TV until he falls asleep. I feel like he has no desire to want to spend time with me to rebuild our marriage. He told me that he sometimes crave attentionand when I try to give him this attention because I want to meet his needshe says I am smothering him and that he needs time to breathe. He says that he does not need someone who is up under him all the time. The thing is I want to be around him.I want to watch TV with him, laugh with him, hang out when we can. But if we do anything togetherits initiated by me. If I want to lie down with himits done through my actions. He never responds to me in anyway to show that he wants me. I know we are going through some hard times but I still love him and want to be with himwhy doesnt he act/feel the same way I do? Then I looked at The Secret on Oprah and it said that if you stop focusing on the wrong that is going on in life and instead focus on the things you desire, like a happy marriage..you will achieve it. My question is, if my spouse does not act like he has a desire to be with me and is very unhappy with mehow can I focus on desiring a happy marriage if he is the one not sure if he wants to be here and is not in a place to want to do anything about it. He just want his life to be as is.for him to do what he wants (talk to whoever he feels like, go out whenever he wants, come home when he feels like or not come home if he does not want.) He said he wants things to happen naturally. He is not forcing anything. He said I want an easy fix.but Im just ready to move forward. I love my husbandI want to be happy and I want my family back together but I cant do it by myself. How do I use The Secret to my advantage and take me out of this rut? What do I do if we are not on the same page?

deleted_user
I think you answered your own question. You are not on the same page. My husband also treated me cruelly and acted withdrawn and silent. That is abusive. I believe he wants things to happen naturally for himself. You are not a consideration anymore. I hate to tell you but i think you are past the point of no return. I've been there. Start thinking of yourself FIRST and your children. You can't make him be or feel something he doesn't. He has already abandoned the marriage and he is not giving you any concrete reasons why.

deleted_user
I read this book by Homer McDonald on Stop your divorce! It says a lot of the same things you mentioned from Oprah. My wife is very similar to your husband. Wow, if my wife had taken the initiative like you, I can't tell you how happy I'd be. I read the book over and over and others like it. It worked well 4 yrs ago when she was feeling the same way. I just don't know if I can keep my wits to not give up this time. Thanks for this forum. I honestly hope you get him back! I know how bad I want that in my life. Keep trying and keep your chin up!

deleted_user
I am sorry to say I agree with Laura. I have been there. Sometimes I think "Oprah" is unfair. It makes it sound like you can just wave a magic wand. Now I do agree with focusing on the positive in life and going for it. I don't think this pertains to marriages where one partner has already given up. You can't save a marriage by yourself! Read my bio. Same story. It seems to me no matter what you do it is never what he wants or needs. That must be very frustrating. You were not put on this earth to make him happy only he can do that. I am so sorry you have to go through this but I think you need to talk to him and find out Is he still in love with you? Does he still want to be married? Is he willing to work at this marriage? These are hard questions but they need answers. If the answers are no you need to deal with that and move on with your life. You don't want to live your life always feeling rejected. But if the answers are yes then get working asap on the marriage to make things right. I wish you the best.
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