I have accepted the fact that my husband doesn't want me anymore...that he doesn't love me. I know that I don't want him the way he is now. He is being so cold and cruel to me and just knowing he is capable of that makes me sure that there is no going back. But sometimes I miss him so much it causes physical pain. I miss who he WAS. I miss what we had. I'll see something interesting or funny on tv or in a magazine or on the net and I'll want to tell him all about it...or I'll want to tell him something cute our daughter did or said. And that's when it hits me that he's gone. That he's not my go to person anymore. For 17 years he was my best friend. I don't know what to do with my self when I am missing him like that. He doesn't exist anymore. It's like I'm grieving a sudden death. He is gone and I will never have him back. I created a seperate picture folder on my computer that contains all pictures that he is in and sometimes I just sit here and look at them. Ugh. How pathetic is that?
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