I've been officially divorced for 3.5 years now, separated closer to 5 years, and it feels like the battle that will never end. I've moved on... I'm remarried to a really great woman, expecting another child, and have worked through some career struggles to find a very rewarding future. It's been a long painful road, but I'm on the other side. At least, until I keep getting dragged back.
My ex and I have one daughter together, now 14 years old. When we first divorced, our daughter was assigned to primary physical custody with her mother. I worked in another city (something that started pre-divorce) and was only available on weekends. I rented two apartments and flew back and forth every weekend to be with my daughter. After a couple years of this, the conflict between our daughter and her mother escalated to the point that a judge ordered our daughter to move in with me (in the Bay Area, from Los Angeles) and visit her mother on alternate weekends. My ex fought this, but lost, and daughter is now settled in the bay area, doing fantastic in school and has found a passion in playing volleyball.
After two years of this, the ex fought it again, which resulted in a court date. She "freaked out" at the courthouse, and we went into a binding arbitration again. Once again, the judge (arbitrator) ruled in my favor, permanently putting me with primary custody, reducing visitation, and reducing child support. In addition I was awarded the child support modification retroactively, meaning that for about six months I had dramatically overpaid child support and was due this in arrears.
Oh also, two years ago my ex stopped paying for any of our daughter's medical expenses, in contradiction of the divorce order. And yes, I pay her a very large sum in spousal support, despite having a much reduced income, and still pay her some child support despite the child being with me most of the time.
I'll be honest, I'm just looking for a shoulder to cry on. My ex refuses to pay any of her debts to me, which are now in excess of $15,000. When I started reducing some of my support payments to address the debt, she had her lawyer call me and threaten me. Now, she's refusing to allow our daughter to travel to the Bay Area to try out for her high school volleyball team, because it's on "her time" in Los Angeles. So my daughter will not be able to play HS volleyball, the one thing she cares about most in life.
I'm pretty powerless. I could take her to court for the debt, but she has a litigious, expensive lawyer, and tbh I've spent so much money on lawyers over the past five years, I could've bought like three new cars. I can no longer afford it. And her refusal to let our daughter thrive if it's on "her time" drives an ever-growing wedge between the two of them, but I'm not going to violate a court order and get her out.
I get it, I guess. My ex has not remarried nor even dated afaik since we split up, and she's had her daughter taken away from her... and the daughter now doesn't much care for her either. I just wish that divorce could be "final" in a way that, at least for me, it never is.
I finally had to come home today to the empty apartment. She left me a note that sounded like someone else wrote it, but it still absolutely destroyed me. I feel on the floor and sobbed uncontrollably for what felt like hours.somehow in the midst of all this I managed to put everything away until I found the book with her wedding vows in it...que me falling and sobbing again. Its been the...
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