My poetry is like my journal.
(That's right readers, it's true.)
I guess it's what you make of it.
What's your poetry to you?
My poems are how I vent,
release my daily stress.
My poetry helps me sort out
my life when it's a mess.

With poems I can express stuff
that verbally won't come out.
I can share my internal suffering,
without the need to shout.
I can tell the world how angry
I am with my children's genes
I can express how hard it is for me
to keep them happy by all means.

So for today's "journal entry"
that's what I'm going to cover.
The genes they got from my ex-husband,
the man who's genetically their father.
I am going to tell you of a curse
that is apparently in his blood
one he passed to my youngest children,
Without one ounce of love.

Autism and epilepsy
and other developmetal delays
hip dysplasia and femural aversion
is what we've got going these days.
ADHD and speech problems
he struck 2 out of 2
his blood is a modern day curse
weeks without hospitals are few.

What else did he give them?
For what else is he to blame?
Compromised immune systems,
even their last name.
He was such a coward
when he found out what was wrong
I was pregnant with my youngest
and the bastard decided to run!

So now he's blamed for daddy issues
on top of everything else.
My youngest doesn't know him
I hope he blames himself.
He is just the sperm donor
for my youngest 2
but with that fatal donation
My children's lives are screwed.

A lifetime of disability
is what they're looking at
he takes no responsibility
I really hate this crap!!!
I love my kids more than anything
I have ever loved before
no matter the disability
I will be here "evermore"

I just feel so much hostility
towards the man who did this to them
Will they grow up to function
will they ever make a friend?
Will they be accepted into society
or will they be cast away?
I guess it shouldn't matter
but these fears are here to stay.

My little girls were cursed
once they were conceived
and even though I love them
I find it hard not to grieve.
Not out of self pity
but pity for their lives
they have the world against them
just being born was a sacrifice.

Not for me but them
because they will never know the world
but maybe they are lucky,
my two special little girls.
They will never know the violence
or the prejudice meant for them
and who cares if no one is there
in me they've got a friend.

They don't need a father
all they need is me.
because when God let me have them
he knew what was meant to be.
So I may vent unsparingly
about the unfairness of this
but I love them the way they are
my 2 special little kids.