I started my divorce journey on late September. I kept a journal. I did not write what I did in the journal but how I felt. My journey so far has gone in unexpected ways. Instead of a combative, expensive litigation process, we have one attorney in a collaborative divorce practise. $1,500 covers everything. We see a child specialist to draw up a parenting plan. We see a financial specialist to draw up a splitting of the finances and who pays what for the next two years. The attorney puts that together, we sign it, she files, and here in Georgia, a no-fault state, we are legally divorced 31 days after filing. No judges, or courts. We file some time in mi-December. We have joint custody of our son.
Emotionally, I have moved through the various stages and I am well into Acceptance. Looking back at my journal, lesson number 1 is to avoid making significant long-term decisions until in the acceptance stage. (The other stages being Shock, Anger, Resentment, and finishing at Acceptance, the so-called SARA model.)
I saw from my journal that while I was in the anger/resentment stages that anger and resentment took me out of decision-making using my values so that today, if those thoughts had been implemented, I would be ashamed. My truths of yesterday have evolved into stronger, more enduring truths that better reflect my values.
Lesson number 2 for me is to always seek the high road, to act with dignity and strength, again guided by my values.
Lesson number 3: I have written down my values and I keep them with me at all times of awakening.
Lesson number 4: what is true today may not be true tomorrow.
I realize that I am lucky in that she has strong values (apart from keeping vows!) and so we have been able to make this journey together towards divergence as mature people, seeking only to separate in love not as bitter enemies, rather, as saddened friends.
May your Gods go with you.