your stbx wants to spend thanksgiving at your mothers. hmm.
Well, my EX and I are splitting holidays, thanksgiving is hers, Christmas mine and so on. YOu need to establish boundaries and talk to your ex to be. Don't put your mother in the middle of it. Is it that your ex to be doesn't want to cook for the kids? Tell your stbx that she should spend the holiday with her own family as you're going to be at your mothers and don't want any strife. Or, she can bring the kids to you and you go to your mother's for dinner. However, they are her grandkids, but that being the case, your ex to be should do for herself.

No way, put a stop to it.

I would ask my MOM W-T-H she was Thinking?!?!?!

Gawd, that sounds like crap from my stbx's family tree...

IF stbx were to call from close to my father and stepmoms house...wanting to even drop by...they have orders to SHOOT!!!

But, hey, I have no interest in staying "friendly". Just Sane.

Ahh! the thanksgivings thing is such a touchy issue for me. For the last 6 years I spent every holiday with my wife and her family. Not this year... and I you say WTF do I do? I have no family here (all overseas) and slowly all my friends are married and distant. About 10 years ago while in college I went to Boston market for thanksgivings! I have the idea of doing that again!

1) Why is your mom allowing it? Does she want you tows together still or something

2) I think if you can not be in that situation, dont go. I hate to say it as it is a Holiday, but depending on how strong you are, other dinner plans might be more suitable to keep your sanity. (If you have anywhere else to go that is)

If I still wanted to be with my ex, I would go if there was an invite, if I didnt, I would really try to talk to my relatives about disinviting her.

I think it is all about how well you can handle it and what you really need and want. It's really your call on this one.

First I think I would smack the crap out of my mother for even inviting the STBX. Thank God for my family I know this would never happen but if I were you first I would talk to your mom and let her know how you feel. If she is a good mother she should stand behind her child and then you call the STBX and disinvite her stating the obvious. Due to the current situation my mother and I discussed and felt that it would be better if you spent the holidays somewhere else. If she has the kids and doesn't have anywhere to go I would invite the kids so they can see Grandma but let her know she is not invited.

Do you still talk to her? If so you could ask her what the deal is. Does your mom have any insight since she is the one that told you?