Thanks to my ex boyfriend I just can't see me hooking up with anyone else. I have tried and it's just not the same and no matter how hard I try I still screw it up. I have bp, ptsd, ocd, bpd and suffer memory loss. I have no clue how to have a healthy relationship. I have never had one. It doesn't help that I jump to conclusions and when it comes to men I just cannot completely trust. Keith wrecked my heart big time and come to think of it so did my ex husband. He led me to believe that we were going to get together and that he loved me and that I was beautiful and wonderful. God forgive me but what a crock of condensed horse shit! See this is the way I look at it, he couldn't and wasn't getting no play at the time and of course I just happened to be there. All was good and well until Miss Thing came along and than I suddenly became chopped liver so to speak. It has been two years and I am still devasted. Did he apologize? Well of course but it took him almost a year to do so. Even than I wasn't so sure that I could believe him. He drug me through all that hell and than had the nerve to tell me that he still cared. Well I don't believe that either. To me I think he's just sorry that he got caught. I know one thing if our paths ever happen to cross again I swear I will never trust him again. It's just not going to happen. I have my days where I miss what we shared but it's not worth putting my neck back out there on the line to be broke so to speak. I didn't think that after all this time that I would still be grieving his loss. You don't just stop loving and caring for someone. If it's real than it just doesn't happen that way. I had never had such a beautiful relationship in my life as I had had with him. The guys that I had been with prior to him were ass holes. To be honest he had been so good to me and I didn't give a second thought as to the fact that he could be playing me. Well sad to say I was wrong. So very wrong! So as of now my heart is off limits! I don't think I'll ever get over this or that's how it feels right now.
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