Every time I think I am making steps forward I fall back. Tonight it was my son. I think he was just tired from our trip this weekend. He got sad and angry....I expect that and I have been putting everything I have into being there for him even though it means I really cannot be there for myself. I try so hard to be strong. It has been 7 weeks since his dad left. The divorce is final next week but I haven't told him that yet. He got pretty bad tonight. Wants his dad to come back. I tell him that dad is not coming back and he got mad at me and said "you cannot say that...you cannot stop hoping he will come back." This poor kid just wants his life back. He said "you and dad were happy, you looked so happy, I thought it was forever." Well damnit, I thought the same thing. He has been to his dad's house three nights and four days since he left and tonight he says "I don't want to go back and forth anymore...I just want to stay here forever or with dad forever...I don't want to be dragged around anymore." My heart can't take much more breaking. God, this has all just been so sudden....my son and I have had our lives ripped apart. Just a few months ago we were a family. We did everythig together...the three of us. Just a few months ago my STBX and I were holding hands, calling each other many times each day just to say "I love you", having sex, eating dinner, laughing at comics on TV, watching movies, planning our future. What the fuck happened? I have my house, I have my job, I have friends....so I have nothing to worry about, right? Wrong. I have a broken heart and a devastated child and a very STBX who is so fucking selfish that all he cares about is when he'll get his hands on some of my money. He is so invested in tearing this apart...I am not even sure if the OW is really around anymore but I know neither she nor her husband has filed for divorce yet. oh fuck, fuck, fuck.
Thanks for listening.
Thanks for listening.
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