My blood was very supportive. My new friends were very supportive. She kept all the other friends and relatives, so I didn't explain to anyone.

When I ran into people giving their phony sentiment I told them to save it, I was glad we split

Confused, I used to avoid people when I was MARRIED so I wouldn't have to explain my crazy marriage, which I was ashamed of. How about:

"Our marriage hasn't worked out, and we're getting a divorce. It would really help me to talk about something else. What's going on with you?"

If you were to say, "She cheated on me, we're getting divorced", that would certainly put a stop to any further questions or conversation, but you may not want to reveal that.

I too was initially ashamed and didn't want to tell anybody. I even considered not returning to my church because I did not want people to know. But I got great support and I realized I didn't do anything wrong and I did not care what people thought. My family was very supportive of me.

Maybe after getting support here for a while you'll be able to talk about it with people you know and that love you.

For me it was the opposite. I wrote an e-mail to all the people I knew (and he knew) and told them what had happened. I did not want them to believe I had left him. My husband still won't say we are divorcing. He says we have decide not to stay married. He is afraid to be judged (he cheated). I think he is ashmed of what he has done. He is a total cliche' (had everything and lost it all, midlife crisis, affair, not knowing where to go from there, etc...). I think that to get over the betrayal and the hurt, you need to be honest with yourself and with the people around you. Your family and friends need to know that you are hurting and yes you will lose friends just because people think divorce is contagious. Marriages fail every day. There is nothing to be ashamed of especially if you know you have done everything to save the relationship. Sometimes you don't really get a vote as in my case.

When my STBX told me she was leaving, I didn't want to tell anyone. I was afraid it would make me look like a failure.

The minute I let it out and told my mother, father, sister, a few friends, that's when I started feeling better. You need to be reminded that there are people who still care about you.

Just remember that you don't have to tell any more than you want to. Some people will try to probe for details, make sure you have a response ready and aren't taken aback. I said to people, I'm not ready to talk about it yet and I told them that I'm not really ready for other people to start announcing anything and please don't. That is still where most people are with it, well, except on DS!
But for every person I told, I felt better. and some people were surprised and expressed regret, which I didn't like - I immediately said, I am happier now, we are happier now (meaning my kids). Everything is better and we are going to be alright. That set the tone for them not to lament.
There is always a group of people who think they need to decide for themselves whether you need to be getting divorced or not. When I encounter one of these, I tell them that I'm not discussing private details - and how amazing it is that some people think they need to decide for themselves whether you should be getting divorced or not!

When my husband told me he wanted a divorce, I told him he had to tell my parents. I couldn't face them...they adored him. Heck I adored him. I told my kids, who rallied around me, although sometimes my son is a little pushy tell me I need to do this or that. He is so mad he doesn't want my STBX to see his children. When I run into someone that knows us I just tell them what he told me. He wants children of his own...I can't give him any soooo we are seperated and getting a divorce. I have no control over his choice. I personally think he shouldn't have any as he is not stable enough to have them. He can barely tolerate the grandchildren(he is the only grandfather they have known). Yes I feel ashamed--I feel stupid--but it is not my fault. I am letting him take the responsibility for his decision. Just be honest short and to the point. Then talk about something else.

It is awkward to tell people - not exactly the kind of thing you just blurt out. I am a very private person and didn't even tell my parents for a long time. I have found over the past several months that the easiest thing for me is to not hide it, but not necessarily throw it out there for discussion either. Most people figure it out and if they are close to you, they will ask. If they do, you can confirm the situation and that's it. Most people won't push for more details than you offer. Keep it simple. I have had several people tell me "Oh, I'm sorry...". This is a very reasonable response to the news of a failed marriage. In my situation I have been able to say, "Yeah, I'm pretty sorry too, but it is for the best and we're all doing fine. Thank you for caring."

Like I said, I haven't had anyone push for details. If someone did, I think I would stand my ground with a comment along the lines of "I'm not up for talking about it just yet, but thank you for your concern. It's nice to know I have friends when I need them."

Hang in there and remember, you need to take care of you right now. You don't owe anyone an explaination.

The first time that my husband and I separated it was only for a short time and I really didn't tell anyone, I felt ashamed. The second time that he left and I knew that he cheated on me, I told everyone. Partly because I didn't want them to ask about him all of the time and then have to lie and partly because I hated the feeling of having to cover up. Everyone rallied around me and gave me such encouragement. My boss always had the philosophy to have meetings when there were big things going on in a person's life such as a death or divorce, etc, and if the party involved didn't mind she would call a meeting and discuss it, ONCE, and it was better because a ton of people didn't come up and ask questions, it was all at once and then we got back to work. Maybe that sounds a bit harsh, but actually it was great because we discussed things and then didn't have to listen to it all the time. I say do what is in your heart, but I guarantee if you share your feelings you will feel better.

When I first found out about the affair, I didn't want to tell anyone. I was ashamed. I was confused. I felt betrayed. It took me about a month before I told anyone. After that I really felt the need to talk with my friends and family. The more I opened up, the less ashamed I felt. In the long run, I believe that talking to others is one of the best ways to work through the pain.