Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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deleted_user
deleted_user
Just a quick summary of my situation, My ex was very mentally/emotionally abusive. He had an affair with our 19 year old nanny..it was a very bizarre...during the divorce process I was shocked at the way he treated me ( it was that bad ). I am proud to say that I took the high road and never criticized him ever in front of the kids. I was not difficult during the divorce, I wanted to come out of this with my dignity intact. My children will put it all together when they are older and that will be hard enough for them.

My ex is now being the super nice guy to the kids and me. My children do not understand why I do not want him in my home and why I will not go to family events with him etc.. Of course my ex looks like a saint and I look like a b$@tch. I don't know how to explain to the kids that I can't be with their father without saying he was not very nice to me, is it ok to say that? I would love any suggestions or feedback

Thanks..
deleted_user
deleted_user
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Lucky bastard !

.
deleted_user
deleted_user
what?
deleted_user
deleted_user
.

Your ex.

.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I have the same problem. They look at the new nice disney land dad and then look at me. But, I know that while this is a confusing time for the kids, they really do understand. Trust your kids, love your kids, it will be OK.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I understand that you meant my ex.. he is a bastard..not sure how lucky!
deleted_user
deleted_user
How old are your children. My therapist said with mine being 10 and 13 they are not babies and deserve the truth. And that is what they got this entire transition from me. I know some things were painful. Like the woman he was chasing and the fact that he cheated on me. You mqay be surprised what your kids already do know though.
deleted_user
deleted_user
.

#5

He is ... the way you portray him.

Very lucky.

.
deleted_user
deleted_user
It really depends on the ages of your children...how much you choose to tell them. Best policy is to continue not criticizing him in front of the children. They will figure it out in time. The Disneyland Dad may be fun now, but the consistant, loving Mother is what they need and will eventually appreciate the most. You are to be congratulated for taking the high road.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I would say, "Kids you must learn from mommy and daddy that sometimes relationships break-up for very personal reasons that have to remain between mommy and daddy for now. We both have decided to just love you guys and help you through a tough situation that we are both responsible for. For now all we care about is how you guys adjust and overcome all the fears you have. We love you and stand united in keeping this family situation positive and upbeat."
patti22
patti22
Mine is so much the same way. And for better or worse I've told them that daddy was wrong for many of the things he did. But time has already proved me right some since he left. And is likely to continue to.
deleted_user
deleted_user
This sounds very painful for you cjam. That's a hard question...how old are your kids?
I am guessing that one day you will have to be around him with kids around, like at family events...but I can see why you do not want to at this time.
What dose your instint say to do?
deleted_user
deleted_user
I can cope with the family events, my kids are 5,7,9, I just don't want him in my home or the kids will invite him to movies with us. My ex doesn't have a problem with it, he thinks we should be friends. His mother has told him he needs counseling ( I think that says it all). I can't be his friends, certainly not right now. I have really been trying to protect the kids, but, I need to start protecting myself. I really value the advice I am getting here. THANK YOU!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I am glad to hear that he is being "super nice" to the kids, and I hope it continues - I can't help but feel that's better than being nasty, negligent, or absent to them.

I would just tell them that sometimes two people have trouble getting along (even if they are both nice to others), and that in those cases its best if they don't try to be together too much. Yes, you may be implicitly assuming some of the responsibilty for the situation by saying that, but it has the virtue of being true in general, and the time for "full disclosure" to the kids is at least several years down the road.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I agree that it is good that he is being nice to the kids, I would never object to that. He turned our lives inside out and upside down... It just makes me sick watching him.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I would feel sick as well watching him. Sounds like he is trying to get back in the kids good graces, but not doing it away that is really helping the situation. No way would I want to have him come to the movies with us...he can take them on his own. Why these men (yours & mine) do not see the long term effects of thier actions just blows my mind.
I'll throw up on your stbx for you if you want. he he
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