You said it all in the phrase "selfish idiot." They have no idea what they have thrown away.

Oh how I have been there. I end up writting letters to him that I will never mail, some have gone to the shredder.

Hope it gets better for you. Someday the OW will know....believe me!

You can't make him responsible...sigh.




But, you CAN make him pay! LOL!;-)

Ann I know your pain. It's great that you are trying so hard to be the bigger person. I however am not. My hubby called last night to rile me up and I let it fly. I feel better ...a little. He won't change and that's what we all want. Just remember that the porn addict may act out but it's not love. He's just using that pathetic woman to play out a fantasy ...it won't last it can't reality always sets in. Our justice comes later. Because they jump into an affair to avoid the pain of leaving. They get theirs when the relationship fails. If not we will be long gone in a better place. Hang in there ann you are a strong woman.

You know I am so there with you. I just want to yell you idiot, how can you do this. But even if I get upset at him he pulls the little boy, I am just an asshole. So I want the samething, I have been so nice through it all.

i don't have the addiction of your ex and the course of events that you indicate on your page are much more brutal (and I am sorry for your pain) than that of what I did, but as the person who left...I know I am a selfish idiot. Despite the feelings of those who were left that the person who left has no feelings at all and life is great, I have to say that many of us are literally burning in hell on earth - and the crowd applauses. I have never felt so miserable and I do hope that things get better for me as well as for my ex or it will prove a few different things; life is not meant for happiness even if you take care of your responsibilities, marriage is not about being with someone you love but rather of being a job and marriage is a forum for two people to be as malicious as possible to each other without any consequences. I am happy on the other hand to see so many people able to vent, to be a support for the other and constructively move on with their lives, it gives me hope that my ex finds happiness. It is good to vent, but occasionally you might need to let the other have it if they start treating you badly in the new dynamic.

I am going to try to explain something to you,,, when you let him see your pain, you are actually giving him the satisfaction of what he was wanting in the first place,, your pain! Let him only see the happy side of you! Will eat him up!!!!
I have a journal on my computer where every letter I have ever written him is! He works on my computer when it has issues and yep, you guessed it! He had told me that he would not ever go into any of my private stuff,, but the proof was in his eyes! LOL,,, I got the last laugh, cause I never trusted him! LOL
Hugs to you!

I hope you feel better venting. So glad you did it here and didnt call him. I always feel so angry at myself when I do that and know he doesnt care. We here do care and are glad you felt like you could vent

what i did was write him letters, of course i didnt send them, if you notice in my journal area there are 2 locked ones, they are to him and believe me they are nasty. i used every foul thing i could think of and i just keep them there and locked. makes me feel better.

Couldn't change them when we were in love and married to them and at this point we can't change them when we're not involved with them. Some people will never understand how much of an idiot they are, but you know, it's really not our job to point it out to huge idiots like they are.

But sometimes the uncontrollable urge to scream it out to them gets the best of us. I've taken the advice of a friend of mine who went through a divorce last year and it seems to work well...
If you want to send an email or letter to them, write it out EXACTLY how you want to say it, and save it as a draft and keep it in a safe folder. You get to vent, which will make you feel better, but then you don't have to deal with the fallout if you actually send it.

I do the same thing. many times I have wanted to call and let her know what a irresponsible uncaring person she was being. She never allowed me to talk to her when or after she made the decision. I never was able to defend myself or have us communicate on any level on what was going to happen with both of ours lives, not just hers.

I think it is this feeling of no control over something that is effecting our life so greatly that gets me going and want to just reach out and "touch" someone! (her)

I know we would all like so to be able to talk to that person, to be able to respond and not feel like we just have to accept it and move on.

Funny thing in my situation, she still wants to come back, in to hte apt and "get closure". She feels I need to let her do that. I say, "I am sorry, I would have assumed you got closure when you spread your legs and fucked that married man"