Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I wrote this as a journal entry, but I am so conflicted!
"WOW! What a night! My H called me yesterday and asked me to go to dinner with him. I was kind of excited! Maybe this is the beginning of a fresh start for us! Yeah, right!
He calls me around 7 to ask where I want to go eat, my sister's baby's father (did ya get that? lol) was at the house visiting my sister. My H does not like the guy, so he got pissed off before we even went out! I told him that we would discuss everything over dinner. I meet up with him at Olive Garden at 8:30, and before we even get into the resturaunt he starts in on me. I told him just wait at least until we get to the table! So we sit down, we order, we start arguing and he leaves... whatever he'll be back... about 15 min. later he comes back in. We start talking again, I finish my meal, (I had cancelled his order) he pays and we get into another arguement! He follows me out to my car and we start talking... really talking...
H- "Do you even want to try anymore?"
Me-"90 percent of the time, no"
H-"Why not?"
Me-"I just don't think it is worth it anymore, I'm tired of fighting, not just tired of argueing, not just tired of the physical fighting, I am tired of fighting for us! Love should not be this hard. Marriage is hard, love is the easy part, and we can't even do that!"
H- "Now that I am willing to try, you are just giving up?"
Me-"Maybe"
H-"You have stood by me through everything, you have always been there for me, why won't you let me be there for you?"
Me-"Yeah, I have always been there for you! I have always been the one fighting for us! And the sad part is: I have always known that you don't love me! I put up with Molly, and Malory, and the drugs, and your selfish impluses, I got a job because you wanted me to, I have pushed myself into this box, conformed myself to what you wanted, and I lost myself along the way! You think that NOW that you are ready to love me, NOW that you are ready to try, I am supposed to just accept it, get my heartbroken again? I can't do it anymore! I don't know how I feel anymore, I don't know who I am anymore!"
H-"You are my wife, and our kids mom..."
Me-"I can't continue to define myself by who I am to other people! Sure, I am your wife, I am their mom, I am Lynn and Alan's daughter, Kortney and Kassie's sister, Mary and Arlene's granddaughter, but that is not who I am on the inside... I lost that person that Used to be, that person that you met four years ago, b/c I was trying to conform myself into who you wanted, who you needed to make you love me!"
We went on like this for another 20-30 min... Until I finally said, "I'm tired, I want to go to bed, get out of my car"
I get home, I get in bed... I finally fall asleep... and my phone rings
H-"I love you"
Me-"OK, goodnight, love you, bye"
UGH!!!!!!!!!!"
For those of you who don't know, we are separated, (I intiated it).... I guess I just need confirmation that I am doing the right thing... thanks guys!
"WOW! What a night! My H called me yesterday and asked me to go to dinner with him. I was kind of excited! Maybe this is the beginning of a fresh start for us! Yeah, right!
He calls me around 7 to ask where I want to go eat, my sister's baby's father (did ya get that? lol) was at the house visiting my sister. My H does not like the guy, so he got pissed off before we even went out! I told him that we would discuss everything over dinner. I meet up with him at Olive Garden at 8:30, and before we even get into the resturaunt he starts in on me. I told him just wait at least until we get to the table! So we sit down, we order, we start arguing and he leaves... whatever he'll be back... about 15 min. later he comes back in. We start talking again, I finish my meal, (I had cancelled his order) he pays and we get into another arguement! He follows me out to my car and we start talking... really talking...
H- "Do you even want to try anymore?"
Me-"90 percent of the time, no"
H-"Why not?"
Me-"I just don't think it is worth it anymore, I'm tired of fighting, not just tired of argueing, not just tired of the physical fighting, I am tired of fighting for us! Love should not be this hard. Marriage is hard, love is the easy part, and we can't even do that!"
H- "Now that I am willing to try, you are just giving up?"
Me-"Maybe"
H-"You have stood by me through everything, you have always been there for me, why won't you let me be there for you?"
Me-"Yeah, I have always been there for you! I have always been the one fighting for us! And the sad part is: I have always known that you don't love me! I put up with Molly, and Malory, and the drugs, and your selfish impluses, I got a job because you wanted me to, I have pushed myself into this box, conformed myself to what you wanted, and I lost myself along the way! You think that NOW that you are ready to love me, NOW that you are ready to try, I am supposed to just accept it, get my heartbroken again? I can't do it anymore! I don't know how I feel anymore, I don't know who I am anymore!"
H-"You are my wife, and our kids mom..."
Me-"I can't continue to define myself by who I am to other people! Sure, I am your wife, I am their mom, I am Lynn and Alan's daughter, Kortney and Kassie's sister, Mary and Arlene's granddaughter, but that is not who I am on the inside... I lost that person that Used to be, that person that you met four years ago, b/c I was trying to conform myself into who you wanted, who you needed to make you love me!"
We went on like this for another 20-30 min... Until I finally said, "I'm tired, I want to go to bed, get out of my car"
I get home, I get in bed... I finally fall asleep... and my phone rings
H-"I love you"
Me-"OK, goodnight, love you, bye"
UGH!!!!!!!!!!"
For those of you who don't know, we are separated, (I intiated it).... I guess I just need confirmation that I am doing the right thing... thanks guys!
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
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I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
I think the confirmation you are looking for will come when you have found yourself. You will know if you are willing to keep going in your relationship or not. Although it may take some time. Hope my little bit helps!
Lady 1975 - I am a JT's mom too.
Story
The step-kid is growing up and frankly don't give a damn about step-dad, other than his money. The wife is focused on the welfare of the kid, and even if she weren't, there is no adrenaline rush of a romance after years of doing battle together. Shes an alcoholic. It's just a reality.
Why am I doing what I am doing every day? Is it because it makes me happy, or is it because it makes someone else happy?
There comes a time when all of the propaganda about being a husband, father, and provider has to actually be fulfilling, and not just sold as such. I can remember how exciting all of these things seemed not so long ago - the prospect of raising children, advancing a career, piling up money for the family and retirement, sharing it with a life -long partner.
There comes a time when you wake up and realize that you are spending the vast majority of your time so that other people can find their identity, nourish their interests, etc. - and you are there to fund it
"For better or worse"....not really....more like, "for as long as you are able to prop up the wants and needs of your spouse and the children", they will pay lip service to what a great 'family man' you are.
What's in it for me? Perhaps that is an unforgivable act of self-pity. I am not going to argue otherwise. I will say here that I am proud that I stuck it all out.
Finally we arrive at retirement. Everything is paid for. Nothing else to do but fall in love again.
What does she do? She leaves and files for divorce.
Initially I spiraled down into an unbelievable state of shock. How could she? After all I did to maintain a relationship against all odds.
In the confusion of divorce, and in her haste to drag me through the coals, we both forgot one very important item. She was doing me the best favor that a man like me could receive!
I thank God every day for the blessings he has poured out on me.
~zoot
I don't even understand this line??? What is he offering??? Sounds like he just wants you to be there for him again, and again, and again... If you don't want him "to be there for you" this should be a bonus for him... He's off the hook...
Sounds very confused to me!!!
Do what you feel is right!!!
(((hugs)))
P.S. My x would never admit that I was always there for him!!!!
Margesd, I'm glad I could help!