I'm new to this site. I've had a very very rough past year. I got divorced from my wife of 10 years in march of 2007. I downward spiraled from this and hit rock bottom. I lost everything! I lost my job! Actually several! I lost everything I owned. I really was a mess. I'm actually doing much better these days at least as far as getting a life back together. I have a job. I'm actually making more money than I ever have in my entire life. I just moved into my own apartment. Things are looking better. Why am I so miserable then?!?!?! I'm not going to pretend that the divorce was not my fault and that she is to fault. I'm a recovering alcoholic. My drinking is what broke us up. There's more to it than that however. She had fallen out of love with me and things had been stressed for a while before drinking became an issue. There are also some underlying and unfortunate issues with the drinking that I won't get into right now. Anyway, I'm sober now and that should be a good thing also. But I am still so miserable. I miss my ex so much. I loved her with all my heart and am sad that I caused her to give up on me. She moved on extremely quickly. Actually had a boyfriend before our divorce was final and our divorce was a very quick one at that. About two months from separation to divorce finalization. She, and my two sons, moved in with her boyfriend within several months after meeting and that has just been the hardest thing to deal with. With all that you'd think I could move on as well but I am having the hardest time doing so. I remember good times and get depressed all over again. Now that I'm sober (i wasn't an everyday drunk, just a problem drinker) i look back on all the things i did wrong and it is just killing me! I know I can't change the past but I can't seem to stop thinking about it. I want so much for her to know how sorry I am for things but I know she doesn't care. I know I'm not totally to blame for our divorce. At least I'd like to think that but I continue to beat myself up over it and blame myself for everything. I just wish I could stop hurting and stop being miserable. I wish I could turn my love for her off like a switch! I'm over a year out now from the divorce and still very miserable and just want it to stop. I'm hoping posting and talking on this site will help.
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