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Struggling with faith

deleted_user
deleted_user
I made a big change in my life today. I attended church this morning for the first time in years. It was a bit awkward, but I made it through. The worst part for me was that after I took my boys to their classrooms I asked someone where I would attend a study class. I was walked to the young married room. I really didn't know what to say. The thought of walking into that classroom was knee buckling. I just quietly leaned over to my new "friend" and told him that I'd rather not go into that classroom. I'm going through a divorce, and I wouldn't feel comfortable. He just put his arm around me and said I could attend his class. That was very comforting, but it made me sad to have to say it. All in all, I enjoyed myself though. My oldest son is having a serious issue with us attending church. I don't quite understand where this is coming from. I have a few good ideas though. He is feeling betrayed by God. He was completely excited about going until we got there. He attended sunday school and started giving me attitude when I told him we were staying for services. I had to keep getting onto him all through the service for "acting out". I tried to address this with him when we got home, but he just got angry and went to his room. He later made a comment to his brother about "believers" not being able to sit on his bed. This makes me sad. He used to have so much faith. A lot of it has to do with the things he has experienced in his life. A grandfather and step-father passing, a mother that doesn't have much to do with him, and now he is faced with our seperation. He looked at his step-mother like she was his own mom. He is having serious abandonment issues with her leaving. He went through a spell of not wanting anything to do with her after she left. I'm also afraid he is going to have serious relationship issues in his future. What do I do???
deleted_user
deleted_user
I have went on and off again over the years. The way I look at it no matter how strong your faith, it is good to be around people of faith and mostly positive. I will always pray no matter how often I go.

There are also a lot of good life lessons, whether someone thinks its true or not. And with my church affiliation there is a lot of forgiveness taught and excepted.

Put it this way it doesn't hurt. I can understand the son's thoughts, I was like that when I thought God took my Grandpa away from me.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I would try and get him into counseling. He needs to talk to someone and someone who is experienced dealing with children. My daughter is haveing a horrible time. She ripped a picture in half of her and her father and said since they weren't together anymore she would give him his half back. She is 5yrs old. She is seeing a counselor you would be surprised how they open up to them. It's worth a try.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I've actually had him in counseling two different times since his grandfather and step-father died. He wouldn't open up to either of them, and he started giving a lot of attitude about going. It made him worse than he was before going.
deleted_user
deleted_user
i think we all at one time feel the way you do about our faith. my sons are exactly the same way, my oldest feels abandoned by god too. i just try to remain positive and keep the faith. and hope for the best. there is only so much you can do, and i try to speak positively of marriage to them. they don't want to ever get married because they believe that divorce is the end result.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I went through the same thing. When I was 16, I lost my grandmother. The very next year at 17 I lost 4 friends in tragic accidents and another is paralyzed from the waste down and then that November I lost my dad. I had serious issues with God! I hated Him for taking my dad and my grandmother away from me. As time went on I began to believe a little again...I began to have a little faith. My stbx didn't believe flat out refused to go with me and I had to beg him to go and see me get baptized last year. That hurt and I started wavering again...but today I'm stronger than ever in my faith. You really do need to get him into see someone. Even if he fights you on it. Always support him but never force him to open up to you. Just always let him know that you are there if he ever feels the need to talk. My brother started acting out after we lost our dad...as he got older though he sorta grew out of it. Just keep your prayers up and I'll keep all ya'll in mine.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Keep trying until you find a counselor he likes. If it is a big church they may have a program to assist you or even provide a counselor. Being angry at God is a normal thing I think for a lot of people. When you don't understand, you get angry. Keep assuring him that God loves him, and explain to him that people have free will to make their own choices, good or bad.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Having "faith" has been a big life saver for us during this past year. About 3 months before my ex left I had a strong desire to connect with God and teach my kids about God. I started going to church but it was not Catholic so my husband did not like it. I kept going on occasion. When my husband left I continued to go but started going more and more. It has been months since I can remember not going to church on a regular basis. My kids ask me every weekend that they are with me if we are going to church and of course the answer is always "yes"! Churches offer great classes called DivorceCare, they also have a DivorceCare for Kids. Get your son involved in that and he will see that God is there for him and he will never go away!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I actually started going back to church regularly about 3 weeks before my wife let me know she wanted a divorce. No obvious correlation in my decision, but I am sure glad I had found some faith again. It helped a LOT. And considering how tough things have been still for me, I can only thank God that I was called back in time.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Thanks Kinoka with the advise about DivorceCare. I've actually looked into that in my area. I haven't actually called the churches yet. The net says some are equipt for DC, but they aren't currently holding any groups.
deleted_user
deleted_user
glad you went,Please keep going. REMEMBER GOD HATES DIVORCE. It was never his plan, It was something man created. God gave us free will.
That allows us to be amazing giving and loving, or selfish violent and evil. It is our choice. It was his gift to us.
Trust him he will see you through the hard times to amazing times. all you have to do is seek and you will find....so keep going!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I do plan on continuing to go. I just need to find the right church to become a member. Thanks for all your support Adam!!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Does your church have a family counselor, a youth pastor? I would start there and see where it goes.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I have always attended services, throughout my marriage and after. But during my separation I tried to get more involved in the church by volunteering in various activities. I remember very clearly what my preist said to me..."You have enough on your plate to deal with. You should come to weekly service but spend the rest of your free time healing yourself."

The message was clear...don't try to dive head first into your faith as it may be an underlying attempt to use God as a crutch.

I think with your son it may be a bit unreasonable for you to assume he would be as accepting in your renewed faith as you.

Give him the encouragement but I don't think he should be pushed if he is a young adult. He will certainly recognize the difference if makes for you and will likely come around.

Talk about your experiences often but I'll say again, give him the room to make his own choices. Everyone has a different way of healing.
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