You don't know Jack.
Seriously, you don't. You should learn who you are and most of all, love yourself. You cannot love anyone if you don't love yourself. People who can be trusted will be attracted to you when you reach this state of inner acceptance and love. Write down ten things that good friends would say about you. Know that they are true. Imagine yourself in the near future: what do you look like? How do you dress? Who do you go out with? Focus on the future, get out of the past. Do it!

Grief can sometimes turn to depression. Do you have a therapist? I find that helps tremendously. Through that and self-help, we can perhaps learn how to avoid making the same choices or mistakes over and over again. There is hope.

Don't worry about the future now. Just work on getting over this one.

Well, you have good points there reinvention. It is not helpful to dwell. I meant first we heal, then we think about future relationships.

Yes, looking down at me from your supercilious soapbox and telling me I don't know anything really nurtures those seeds of self-love. That is why I decided it would be safe to open up to complete strangers after all.

He has a good intention Jack. My priest told me before I got married how did I expect to love someone else when I did not love myself. Frankly, I have never understood what this means. I actually had to ask my therapist yesterday. I find it is time for me to start paying more attention to this as I do see repeating patterns for myself. My H also hates himself, narcissism aside.

Speaking from experience, I do think your grief has turned to depression, and perhaps you could do something to lighten that.

I have to leave this group. I would NEVER feel comfortable venting my feelings when I know the very first thing I'd get back is "You don't know Jack. Seriously, you don't." I'm shaken, that was so rude. I guess I was expecting support, not belittling.

I think he meant you don't know and love yourself Jack. I realize in your raw state his bracing tone and intent could go amiss.

It has been 7 months for me and I know how you feel. I go through the day to day stuff and put on a good face, but inside I am stuck.

I agree with you about not loving again. I just couldn't chance going through this ever again. In my support group they are saying that we will all likely find someone and that we will be wiser in choosing a mate next time. I disagreed with the leader, and said under no terms will I do this again.

If your name was John, it would have said "you don't know John."

If your name was Pete, it would have said "You don't know Pete."

He was just saying that there seems to be gap between how you perceive yourself and who you truly are. I don't believe this was a personal attack or an assault on who you are.

Sometimes, when the same things keep happening to the same people over and over again, it's the choices that were made in selecting who we are going to be with.

Other times, it can be things in our personalities (white knight complexes for example) which draw us to other personalities (people with severe issues that we try to fix).

Oh man that is too bad she really thought rein was talking down to her. please come back jack we do care

Jack I got told a little over a week ago that my husband wants a divorce. I felt betrayed....but most of all I felt I betrayed myself by believing in someone as much as I did. The person I must learn to trust again is me. But first I need to really take a look at myself and ask myself where did I loose the person that I was. How do I get back to liking/loving myself. I think when I can look in the mirror and answer those questions I might be willing to enjoy the company of the opposite sex. Right now I am just distrustful. As far as falling in love again. Right now I would say NO--Never, ever, ever. Just takes too much out of me. But that may be because I have given all I can at this time and do not have anything for anyone else. I feel empty