I talked to my soon to be ex husband on Saturday about when we can file all the paperwork. As the words were coming out of my mouth, I was looking at him and thinking, "You were the one I fell in love with, you were the one I was supposed to spend my life with." I know that us splitting up is the best thing, the last few years have been hell and I'm much better off without him, but it still just really hurts to think that everything I had planned on is gone. It hurts to spend a Saturday night alone, when I should have someone to cuddle with. Had my marriage worked out, I would have someone to cuddle with. Its those moments when the reality of the situation really hits you in the midst of just trying to get through the days. I'm so far from where I had planned to be when I first moved here and its tough to handle sometimes. And the lonliness is almost too much to handle sometimes. Even though I was alone when we were together, this is a different type of lonliness.
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