I am having the hardest time dealing with how he can treat me like somone that he never knew, or loved for that matter..(Even though I know that he did for a long time). There is something around him, like a personal space radar. I cannot even get near him anymore, because he doesnt want me there. I know that, I'm not stupid. Sometimes it almost feels like he is trying really hard not to want me to be there...Almost like he is fighting feelings that have resurfaced. And I truly beleive that he would squash any glimmer of his love he might start feeling again... I really think that he wants to be able to do what he wants, whenever he wants to... I do beleive that he has stayed true, and got out before it got ugly....And I now know that the reason it took him so long was because he knew how selfish this was...There was no reason otherwise.
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
I gave my 2 week notice last Friday 13th. Now to join you fine people in a life of leisure and nothing else to do but to look out for myself....is it just me or does that sound pretty boring? My goal was to live to retire and I guess having to take early retirement because of health reasons wasn't exactly the way I had planned things. I just can't stay in that building that is reeking mildew...