
Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

deleted_user
Hea guys. Hope everyone had a wonderful holiday! I know i'm due a little running off the turkey lol.
My question today is about manipulation.It seems to be a re-occurring element in my current divorce.
1.) Why do you feel people,and specifically in the case of relationships choose to etatblish this weapon.I say weapon because it has been shown to be hurtful to the party recieving the manipulation.(me)
2.) As the reciever of the manipulation_(me) what guards are we to put up to protect us from the manipulation? How do we employ what's best for us going forward...if we are constantly having to deal with falsehoods,fraud,and misleading statements and actions!
This will be the first and the last (hopefully) divorce for me.Their are lots of things concerning our end (divorce)as well as the children that she has incorporated this "method" into.I am at a loss as how to stop it.
I know being in contact with her( shared children) allows for the opportunity and lessening that would help..but even than she uses THAT against me.(I must not care about the kids..i should answer the phone EVERYTIME she calls "cause it either could be about the kids or be one of the kids.")Of course than this leads to replaying the past or what she assunmes i am doing/not doing and how the relates to me being a "good dad"!..i.e. further manipulation!
I hate being used and played games with..especially at the expense of my kids.Anybody dealt with this and have any good advice as how to handle manipulation tatics? Thanks for the help.
_Savery1
My question today is about manipulation.It seems to be a re-occurring element in my current divorce.
1.) Why do you feel people,and specifically in the case of relationships choose to etatblish this weapon.I say weapon because it has been shown to be hurtful to the party recieving the manipulation.(me)
2.) As the reciever of the manipulation_(me) what guards are we to put up to protect us from the manipulation? How do we employ what's best for us going forward...if we are constantly having to deal with falsehoods,fraud,and misleading statements and actions!
This will be the first and the last (hopefully) divorce for me.Their are lots of things concerning our end (divorce)as well as the children that she has incorporated this "method" into.I am at a loss as how to stop it.
I know being in contact with her( shared children) allows for the opportunity and lessening that would help..but even than she uses THAT against me.(I must not care about the kids..i should answer the phone EVERYTIME she calls "cause it either could be about the kids or be one of the kids.")Of course than this leads to replaying the past or what she assunmes i am doing/not doing and how the relates to me being a "good dad"!..i.e. further manipulation!
I hate being used and played games with..especially at the expense of my kids.Anybody dealt with this and have any good advice as how to handle manipulation tatics? Thanks for the help.
_Savery1
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Saves me the aggrivation of his taunting and nasty body language too. Most of what I had difficulty with when dealing with him...is what was SAID without words..
Its very very hard not to get sucked into the vicious cycle of manipulation...dear lord, I spent the better part of 12 years in that cycle..
2. You just don't allow the maniplation to take place. You have to firm a resiliant about it.
My stbx is the Empress of manipulation but she can't do it to me now because except for a piece of paper she is out of my life. I hope to have the stbx completely out of my life very, very soon.
She has lied about being pregnant,threatened to leave the state..and on and on.I want to be part of their lives..so i guess i just suck it up and take it.Know that 99% is unvalidated and at some point get a decree of custody (which btw i cannot afford to do now!)
That's my question.HOW to avoid yet be a part.Be one(with the kids) but separated from her.Apparently their is no clear answer.Other than the legal one...
Don't take wicks's answer directly to you. Some people get so used to this new lifestyle, living with (even if not physically if you have children guess what ... forever) these crazed people that forget newbies need time to adjust. So wick is right but please understand it is not as easy nor as quick as written.
I've just had them for the first time overnight just last night. Missed out on some much needed work but really began feeling guilty.
I plan on smothering the hell out of them every chance I get until I get court orders (if necessary). I will make them tired of me if I can that is the best you can do. Trust me their eyes are not as harsh as ours. You'll do fine as long as you know your trying your best when they get to my age and younger you'll hear from them what your report card was.
She says i shouldn't think so much of myself as to feel like she is saying and doing things that affect my reaction to her.In her words.."she doesn't need me but the kids do." Unfortunately her actions dictate differently.
Either EVERYTHING is 100% true and i am a complete moron or it is fabricationa nd lies..intended on persuation in order to get her way and therefore still have SOME control over me.THATS what i feel in my heart it is.A way to stay connected and have some control!!!
_Savery1