Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
My stbx announced today that he wants our children, 6 and 2 to meet his new gf. He met her on the internet and after 3 weeks decided she was the love of his life. He left in July. (Our marriage was rocky, but not unfixable until this point, in my opinion...)
Since he left, he hasn't had a consistent relationship with the kids. Since October, it has been even less frequent. (This was due to a conflict between seeing the kids and attending football games. he chose the football games...) He has seen the kids TWICE SINCE CHRISTMAS: one overnight and then for about 5 hours today.
He wants to take them out of town, to a lodge about 3 1/2 hours from here. (They have never been there.) And along with the new gf will be her 3 kids. My children have never met any of these people, and they don't know she is in his life. He wants to take them from Friday night to Sunday afternoon. (He has ONLY taken them from Saturday afternoon until Sunday around noon - usually not even 24 hours. They have never been away from me for more than one night.) I was preparing myself for them to meet maybe at a park or mall for a couple hours or lunch or whatever. NOT for a whole long week-end away.
Also, FYI, I do not want to reconcille. Too much has happened. He can go to hell. This isn't about me. He can't be bothered to take care of his own kids for the week-end, now wants to bring them together with some other kids and his gf??? I can't believe he would do this to the kids. They are still suffering from the split!
I have already thought I could tell a "white lie" and create a situation where they couldn't go that week-end, but I really don't want to do that. I just don't want the kids hurt anymore.
Any suggestions or advice would be appreciated.
Thanks! ~P
Since he left, he hasn't had a consistent relationship with the kids. Since October, it has been even less frequent. (This was due to a conflict between seeing the kids and attending football games. he chose the football games...) He has seen the kids TWICE SINCE CHRISTMAS: one overnight and then for about 5 hours today.
He wants to take them out of town, to a lodge about 3 1/2 hours from here. (They have never been there.) And along with the new gf will be her 3 kids. My children have never met any of these people, and they don't know she is in his life. He wants to take them from Friday night to Sunday afternoon. (He has ONLY taken them from Saturday afternoon until Sunday around noon - usually not even 24 hours. They have never been away from me for more than one night.) I was preparing myself for them to meet maybe at a park or mall for a couple hours or lunch or whatever. NOT for a whole long week-end away.
Also, FYI, I do not want to reconcille. Too much has happened. He can go to hell. This isn't about me. He can't be bothered to take care of his own kids for the week-end, now wants to bring them together with some other kids and his gf??? I can't believe he would do this to the kids. They are still suffering from the split!
I have already thought I could tell a "white lie" and create a situation where they couldn't go that week-end, but I really don't want to do that. I just don't want the kids hurt anymore.
Any suggestions or advice would be appreciated.
Thanks! ~P
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A friend sent this to me..As far as I can see, grief will never truly end.It may become softer overtime, more gentleand some days will feel sharp.But grief will last as long as Love does - ForeverIt's simply the way the absence of your loved onemanifests in your heart. A deep longing accompaniedby the deepest Love some days. The heavy fog mayreturn and the next day, it may recede.Once again, it's...
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
Why not let him take the kids then schedule yourself a weekend away and do something just for you...
You might find you like the time on your own...
Book a place at the beach, take long bubble baths, go clubbing... get a massage... anything... that you can do to make yourself feel good!
Good luck
He and the gf have created an extreme mess here. I am glad he agreed not to take them to the lodge for the week-end! I do think that it really did NOT have anything to do with what I said. Pretty sure someone else talked to him about it too, maybe his mom, I don't know. He gave in too easily. But this could be his way of yanking my chain, because when he puts the kids in a situation like this, he knows it will drive me crazy!
He also said we each "got what we wanted", meaning that I have the kids, and he has his slut. I told him I never wanted to parent by myself, never part of my plan. He is so strange now...WHERE IS THE PERSON I MARRIED??????
Thanks for your comments!!! ~P