This is a touchie subject-who gets custody of the friends. While I am sure you are hurting, don't put your friend in that awkward position of having to pick sides. I don't know how long you have been in this whole process, but I think eventually it will sort itself out. It's not easy but just come here to vent.

I work with my X's best friend-It is a real picnic.

yeh, it kind of pissed me off my ex told some people so quickly. But when it came to telling our friends, she told those that she knew from her side, and I told those that we knew from my side. Of course, she didnt like that I told them, the truth. So she threatened to call and give them "her truth". Dont think she ever did.

oh, there are some of her friends and family that still write me. She doesnt like it at all. But I am not a bad guy and they like me so it makes it an uncomfortable situation. But should I just quit talking to people I have known for 7 years and they actually care about me?

do you really think he is doing so great, or did he just want that to get back to you, to do what it is exactly doing, bothering you. and your smart and respectful not to say anything to your friend. just let it go. hang in there.

Shouldn't he be calling her husband? That would be more appropriate.

Not necessarily CVGL. My stbx's best friend is also a longterm friend of mine. I went to grade school and high school with this mutual friend while my stbx met her through me in college. Though I met this friend's husband in high school and consider him a friend, I consider her to be a closer friend due to the long-termness of the friendship.

Well, yeah, Belzar, she is "your" friend in that situation.

Friends are a touchy subject. I had plenty that were not "couple" friends..no issues there.

The couple friends that we had were very close. We met most of the through HIS job..and he still sees them all the time. HE made an issue of them still calling and checking on me. Didn't want them to talk to me. Afraid that they would give me some type of "information" that would hurt him.

I..on the other hand..let all of them know that I appreciated thier support. Would never ask them to choose sides. Call like I always did..to see how they are doing..not to gather information about the ex.

Now..my ex works with a bunch of "ex" friends. They were disgusted with his behavior..not only towards me..but also towards them.

All of this to say..keep being a friend to your friends. It will all work itself out.

No, vent away. It is a really hard time, when you will find out, who your real friends are. I know you do not need that, but better to find out, i did, do not tell her anything that you don't want him to know..

My STBX did this very thing...only he did it repeatedly with mutual friends, husbands of my friends and even tried it on my brother-in-laws! I was so angry at first I couldn't even speak. Then my therapist helped me to realize he was doing this b/c of low self-esteem. He needed to gather as many into "his camp" as possible, because truthfully I was his rock and social director. When I realized this, and had conversations with some of these friends, I soon discovered that, rather than siding with him, they felt pity for him and strength for me. His behind-my-back strategy actually backfired on him.

Ack - I've lost a couple of friends - but gained so much more. My true friends, the ones that loved me, joined force with my family to erect a wall around me to protect me. It was heartening, it was loving, it made me so much stronger to know that people care for me. My family actually kept in direct communication with my close friends. The ones that are gone, well, such is life. And it is not for me to dwell on that as I move forward. Now, I am sorry for what your EX is doing, and agree with all others here that his low self-esteem has him trying to marshall the forces. Those that are true to YOU will show that to you soon. Hang on tight, come here often for support, and know that we are here and waiting to help. God Bless!

I don't know if she was your friend first or not- but I think you should be honest with her that you understand they are friends but you would prefer not to hear how he is doing- it's still too painful for you now. Odds are he did this knowing she would call you and just wanted you to feel bad. Don't let him manioulate you through mutual friends. I have told my friends and my kids- I do not want an update of what he is doing or how he is. I need to have time to get over the past twenty years and the loss of our future plans- he has hurt me enough and for now I don't care or want to know about his happiness, successes or faluires- he made his choice so let him live with it and not rub it into me!

Yes, my problem is a brother-in-law who is sincerely hurt by his sisters (my wifes) infidelity and her nonchalant behavior, but doesnt understand my worse is far worse. So went he vents to me he also inadvertently keeps giving me hurtful information. Like hearing she and her significant other stopped bye his job after church in their church clothes like a new family/couple. So painful!