Your best guess is not much to go on. Have you asked her directly?

I suggest you have a talk and figure out where you both stand then go from there. Good luck!

It sounds like the two of you need time and space. I suggest couples counciling, but she needs to want to participate. Unless you need to make a quick decision I would stand-by to stand-by. Tell her you are here if she wants to talk and give her a little space right now. In the mean time look after yourself. Get your own counciling and rediscover yourself and realise you have value, you are a good person, with or without her. Dare to smile and best of luck.

DO NOT leave your house... If you haven't already then talk to an attorney. She has already left the house but wants to come back and make you leave? Don't do it! Stay in your house, this sounds like it may become a topic if you have a divorce, if you willfully leave and let her stay then you may lose claim to your house!

do not leave the house
file for custody based upon abandonment
if she comes back with you in it...NO NOT under any circumstances kiss, touch, embrace her...she will have you arrested, be granted a stay away order withoout proof of anything forcing you out of the house, granting her temporary custody...do not let her back in...meet at neutral sites...library, restaurant, phone, email..trust me...happened to me...read Taken Into Custody by Stephen Baskerville before you do anything

it's hard to even try she will not even talk to me

Are the kids grown? I would not leave the house, not because it would hurt her, but just on the fact that she is the one that wants out of a long term marriage. She is the one that has made all the decisions and it sounds like to me that she kinda blindsided you with her decisions. Am I right? She did not even discuss this with you, give you a chance to work things out as a couple? Well,, she made her bed, so to speak, I would let her lie in it!

all of my kids are grown and married

You need to stay in the house. She chose to leave and that was her decision. As far as wanting her back you need to give her the space that it sounds like she is asking for. Put a timeframe on it in your head on how long you will be willing to sit back and wait. That tends to make it easier. For me I have a 6 month time limit. If he doesn't get the help he needs then I will be filing. As far as your wife, I know it is hard, but don't call her or accept her phone calls right now. They say abscence makes the heart grow fonder so this is the test. But by no means should you leave the house or even try to coexist together. Trust me I did that for 2 months and it is a living hell.

she is the one that started this mess

I don't know how much time I have since she lied saying that we had been sep since July and thats not true last time I was with her was Oct 19 2007

Well the choose your timeframe for yourself by the date you feel is the seperation date. I didn't share with my husband that I even have a time limit. He thinks I will wait forever for him. And your wife may feel the same. That is because we are the type of people that wear out heart on our sleeve. Just be careful with your own heart and protect yourself.

she lied about our sep date doesn't that matter

I did get the oppertunity tell her it would last as long as I could make it last

You can still be considered separated even if you live in the same house as long as there has been no attempt at reconciliation. 'You are a good man Charlie Brown'.