Its just all an excuse on his behalf. He doesnt like seeing you do something for yourself and no longer has that control. I too wonder why they become resentful of the fact that someone was home to take care of the children, the home and EVERYTHING else. Very sad.

I always worked with the exception of 5 months in between jobs. We also made the decision together for me to stay home for a short time until i found a job closer to home. I commuted 150 a day to go to work for 3 years and it took its toll. We decided together that I leave that job and I stayed home for those 5 months until my dream job appeared.

The fact that I stayed home for those few months was held over my head. he resented the fact that he supported us for that short time even though we were comfortable. Funny how when i started back up and made almost twice as much as he did he had no complaints and had no problem spending.

Congrats to you in your new program that you are enjoying. Let him think and complain all he wants, he cant take it away from you! best of luck!

I too gave up dreams of a career to follow him around the country. Years & years ago, when I could have gone to Wayne State Univ on a full scholarship, he wouldn't even help w/the childcare. So I gave up the scholarship.

Recently, my ex actually had the nerve to tell me that one of his big mistakes (the ONLY time I've ever heard him actually own up to making one) was to ALLOW me to work outside the home. This, AFTER spending years telling me (w/no actions to back it up) how he was a modern man and thought of women as equal parters.

It's definitely a control thing.

Good for you for doing something for yourself! You deserve it!!!

I was a stay at home parent as well. I was home with my kids but I worked. I took care of kids with disabilities in my home and did liscensed foster care for the county in which I lived. I also had an on-call position with the employer I am with now and worked sometimes two days a week or more in the evening when my ex could be home with the kids.

Since our split up he blamed me for not working and causing alot of issues. I have always worked and have always brought in my fair share of money. I guess he just didn't think I was working because I was working at home.

I was a stay at home mom for my childs first 3 yrs. Then I worked night shift for a few yrs and then a stay at home job. I was just going to start a new job last week when my X found out and had me back in court over custody. Basically, if I work outside of the home, he will fight to get our child.
I didn't realize until after the divorce how much he resented the few years I stayed home to raise our child. He finally admitted it to me last week. The funny thing is now he does not want me to work outside of the home. He will fight with me if I try to do that.
It is definitely a control issue. He knew shortly after the divorce that I resented giving up a good career to follow him around the state. Now he is trying to control me again but not letting me move on with my life.

This sounds so familiar. My stbx is telling me that if I would just go back to work none of this would be happening. What a bunch of crap. I worked our whole marriage until the last year. I have my teaching degree but found out I was pregnant while I was student teaching so I have never used it. Now fast forward 11 years and I have to go back to school and get recertified which I am looking into now.

I just dont understand his reasoning, why should I work a 10 dollar an hour job and spend all the money I make on daycare for 3 kids. I have told him that I will go back to school and hope to get a job teaching when my little one goes to school.

I have decided that it is time to take care of me . I am going to be everything I deserve to be not what he thinks I should be. I do think it is a control/ excuse thing on his part as well , I know mine just wanted to be able to spend his money and my money too. I keep telling him now that he needs to look at the figures for his child support, how much it is going to go up with 3 in daycare.

I dont think he will ever get it

My stbx and I both agreed that one parent should stay home and raise the kids. However, not only did I work as much overtime as possible to make this happen I also was doing more and more around the house each day, because she was too busy taking care of our child. I'm not talking about house maintenance (of which I prefer to do myself). I'm talking about shopping, cooking, cleaning, laundry. I remember one morning she asked me if I had time to make her breakfest before I left for work. WTF!!!!!

I'm in the same boat as you, exactly.

I was not allowed to work, that rule was layed down from the start.
I was a SAHM to 6 kids, i did it for 28years, i worked damn hard raising our kids, he studied most of those years,
5 years before i left he got a high paying job, i fled with my 10yo in hand and not one cent, when money was discussed, he said, i did nothimg for the 28 years so i get nothing, yet i am left with our $15,000 credit card bill to pay, he now says i have to go to work to pay it off.

Don't allow that to even get you.

When I did go to work, stbx would complain about what WASN'T being done at Home...How What I made was eaten up by Taxes...Told Everyone that he actually was Paying for my PLAY Job.

Now he says that I SHOULD be able to make a living doing that...That I SHOULD have Done XYZ...You name it.

I could have stood on my Head and made 200k a year, too. Wouldn't have made a difference to him. Except that HE would have had More Play time, and even MORE TOYS.

Non-Salaried Bookkeeper for the business, Housekeeper, Landscaper, Cook...those things were only important Then-Now they are Thrown in my face and laughed at.

I am not laughing. I value myself. I am Learning.

Hey.. turns out that my quitting to be at home with the kids was crimpin his shopping.

I live within my means. We had it all... but he always wanted more..... we were heading for bankruptcy at one point.

not only did I not provide the income.. apparently I held him back in life.. he did not reach his potential with me around.

duhhh... who paid for your tuition?.. who supported us for the first 3 years while you were finding yourself?.. who found the funds for you to go back to get your Masters degree, which btw you never completed... but started a second Masters, which was not completed either.

hell I paid for all his adventures, trips, fundraising schemes... well mostly cos he would tell me about them after the fact and of course nothing was refundable.. so I would have to find the money.

oh oh oh .. and changing my name.. he insisted that I keep my maiden name... then 7 years into it... he had a problem.. that I would not take his name..grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

I at least hyphenated!.. can't please some pple.

Yeah, I walked away from a very nice job that I had held for 6 years and had just been offered a promotion, My X career was just starting I follwed him around the world for 10 years, his career blossomed and he does well. At 1 time I was buying and selling merchandise for movie sets. I had a nice cliental, but X said it took much time away from him and family,I let this sociapath control me for almost 12 years but no more.
People that do this to one another are not menatly healthy, and very insecure.

I stayed at home with my kids for a few years and I never heard the end of it...it was a decision that we made together and then he changed his mind...I moved with him to another state away from my family so he could get a better job and he swore to me then that he wanted me to be a SAHM. Didn't last a year before he started in and I was stuck. Basically I would be working to pay for daycare and he was perfectly ok with that...I refused...I had a one year old and a 3 year old. Then I left him,moved in with my parents, and went back to school. My mom babysat for nothing.

The thing that pisses me off the most right now is the fact that his gf doesn't work...and he tells her that she never has to work. What a jerk! I really hope his true colors come out soon.

I'm beginning to realize that I just couldn't win. Like you said, Tami, it wouldn't matter if I stood on my head and whistled Dixie, he wasnt' happy with himself, and so nothing was going to make him feel happy. Sad, really, when you think about it.

I use to work to support all his fun.. and you know what?.. back as far as 1992... he was buying expensive gifts and sending them off to some woman in States that he met.

OUR money...he never bought me gifts.. it was always about him.. and his needs...

I had a great career...all his women are Latino domestics or nannies...20-25 years than him...what is wrong with this man?

he traded me in for a nanny?.. someone who is not a citizen?...who has limited English?... I don't get it...

sorry for venting.

I am so angry that he can not see raising his children is a JOB. He keeps saying he wants different things out of life that we cant have if I dont get a job. WTF is that, so I spend 200 dollars a week on daycare and we still have no money.

I will never understand him. I keep telling myself that the money issue is just to cover up the real ones. The fact that he cant keep his d*ck in his pants being number one.

Everytime he tells me that if I would just go back to work that we would be fine. I just want to scream. No then we would have a whole new bunch of issues because I would resent him for the time I am away from the kids.

Oh well I am better off without him and someday when he is my my"paycheck" as he likes to refer to himself as he will see