
Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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I have seen a number of references to one partner (usually the husband) resenting his/her spouse for staying at home to raise their children. I've just discovered that this was an issue in my marraige, although my STBX and I made the decision together initially, and discussed it regularly. He even opposed my re-entering the work force on several occasions.
He was making a good living (before he lost his job due to his addiction) and we had 2 kids with special needs. After he decided to divorce me, I found a program for displaced homemakers at the local community college and started this fall.
He said to me the other day, "why couldn't you have done this while we were together?" Um, excuse me, you don't get to change your mind after the fact. If it made sense at the time that I was at home full time, then that's why we made that decision TOGETHER.
I gave up my career to follow his around the country and raise his sons so he could be on the fast track and still live his double life. Why the hell does he resent that now?
He was making a good living (before he lost his job due to his addiction) and we had 2 kids with special needs. After he decided to divorce me, I found a program for displaced homemakers at the local community college and started this fall.
He said to me the other day, "why couldn't you have done this while we were together?" Um, excuse me, you don't get to change your mind after the fact. If it made sense at the time that I was at home full time, then that's why we made that decision TOGETHER.
I gave up my career to follow his around the country and raise his sons so he could be on the fast track and still live his double life. Why the hell does he resent that now?
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I always worked with the exception of 5 months in between jobs. We also made the decision together for me to stay home for a short time until i found a job closer to home. I commuted 150 a day to go to work for 3 years and it took its toll. We decided together that I leave that job and I stayed home for those 5 months until my dream job appeared.
The fact that I stayed home for those few months was held over my head. he resented the fact that he supported us for that short time even though we were comfortable. Funny how when i started back up and made almost twice as much as he did he had no complaints and had no problem spending.
Congrats to you in your new program that you are enjoying. Let him think and complain all he wants, he cant take it away from you! best of luck!
Recently, my ex actually had the nerve to tell me that one of his big mistakes (the ONLY time I've ever heard him actually own up to making one) was to ALLOW me to work outside the home. This, AFTER spending years telling me (w/no actions to back it up) how he was a modern man and thought of women as equal parters.
It's definitely a control thing.
Good for you for doing something for yourself! You deserve it!!!
Since our split up he blamed me for not working and causing alot of issues. I have always worked and have always brought in my fair share of money. I guess he just didn't think I was working because I was working at home.
I didn't realize until after the divorce how much he resented the few years I stayed home to raise our child. He finally admitted it to me last week. The funny thing is now he does not want me to work outside of the home. He will fight with me if I try to do that.
It is definitely a control issue. He knew shortly after the divorce that I resented giving up a good career to follow him around the state. Now he is trying to control me again but not letting me move on with my life.
I just dont understand his reasoning, why should I work a 10 dollar an hour job and spend all the money I make on daycare for 3 kids. I have told him that I will go back to school and hope to get a job teaching when my little one goes to school.
I have decided that it is time to take care of me . I am going to be everything I deserve to be not what he thinks I should be. I do think it is a control/ excuse thing on his part as well , I know mine just wanted to be able to spend his money and my money too. I keep telling him now that he needs to look at the figures for his child support, how much it is going to go up with 3 in daycare.
I dont think he will ever get it
I was a SAHM to 6 kids, i did it for 28years, i worked damn hard raising our kids, he studied most of those years,
5 years before i left he got a high paying job, i fled with my 10yo in hand and not one cent, when money was discussed, he said, i did nothimg for the 28 years so i get nothing, yet i am left with our $15,000 credit card bill to pay, he now says i have to go to work to pay it off.
When I did go to work, stbx would complain about what WASN'T being done at Home...How What I made was eaten up by Taxes...Told Everyone that he actually was Paying for my PLAY Job.
Now he says that I SHOULD be able to make a living doing that...That I SHOULD have Done XYZ...You name it.
I could have stood on my Head and made 200k a year, too. Wouldn't have made a difference to him. Except that HE would have had More Play time, and even MORE TOYS.
Non-Salaried Bookkeeper for the business, Housekeeper, Landscaper, Cook...those things were only important Then-Now they are Thrown in my face and laughed at.
I am not laughing. I value myself. I am Learning.
I live within my means. We had it all... but he always wanted more..... we were heading for bankruptcy at one point.
not only did I not provide the income.. apparently I held him back in life.. he did not reach his potential with me around.
duhhh... who paid for your tuition?.. who supported us for the first 3 years while you were finding yourself?.. who found the funds for you to go back to get your Masters degree, which btw you never completed... but started a second Masters, which was not completed either.
hell I paid for all his adventures, trips, fundraising schemes... well mostly cos he would tell me about them after the fact and of course nothing was refundable.. so I would have to find the money.
oh oh oh .. and changing my name.. he insisted that I keep my maiden name... then 7 years into it... he had a problem.. that I would not take his name..grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
I at least hyphenated!.. can't please some pple.
People that do this to one another are not menatly healthy, and very insecure.
The thing that pisses me off the most right now is the fact that his gf doesn't work...and he tells her that she never has to work. What a jerk! I really hope his true colors come out soon.
OUR money...he never bought me gifts.. it was always about him.. and his needs...
I had a great career...all his women are Latino domestics or nannies...20-25 years than him...what is wrong with this man?
he traded me in for a nanny?.. someone who is not a citizen?...who has limited English?... I don't get it...
sorry for venting.
I will never understand him. I keep telling myself that the money issue is just to cover up the real ones. The fact that he cant keep his d*ck in his pants being number one.
Everytime he tells me that if I would just go back to work that we would be fine. I just want to scream. No then we would have a whole new bunch of issues because I would resent him for the time I am away from the kids.
Oh well I am better off without him and someday when he is my my"paycheck" as he likes to refer to himself as he will see