Good post. I feel like I tried to let my husband be the person he needed to be, but maybe I was blind. I know how much I just wanted to be accepted for who I was quirks and all.

I think in first marriages, especially when your young, you 'overlook' things because you think they will change after your married. Now that I am older, I know better. Yeah, I was guilty of that one too.

you know we are a pretty intelligent species. there is one thing we just don't get. YOU CAN NOT CHANGE ANOTHER PERSON. you have to accept them the way they are. or you change yourself to adapt to your situation. if i'm supposed to love myself for who i am, then i want to be a pretty awesome person. and if i love myself because i'm awesome, you can be damn sure i'm not going to let someone change me again. been there done that. there will be no settling again for this wonderful woman.

You Go Girl!

When I married my X, I didn't know that he was a liar and a cheater! Nor did I know that he'd become a raging alcoholic and addict! When I realized that he wouldn't seek help and change those DESTRUCTIVE behaviors and that I couldn't accept him for what he was/had become, THAT was when I had decided to finally file for divorce. I can only control myself....and this chick wasn't going to take the abuse anymore!

I guess I was really thinking of that kind of change. Just the "I don't love u anymore" kinda change. I would get out with that type of behavoir also. But not the "I want more, I don't love u, U need to change stuff." Will never get it.

Sorry: Meant wasn't.

If you add all previous posts and lump them together you get mine! LOL :) No, you cannot change anyone other than yourself. BUT I do know what it is like to live solely on hope..hope that that person we love and so desperately want to believe in has it in them to get better, wake up and smell the coffe, and find life precious. Sadly enough, that does NOT happen to most. I will continue to believe that people CAN change if they truly want to and for all of the right reasons. I guess it depends on the situation and I speak from my personal experience with an addict. Co-dependancy really is a very very terrifying thing. Like i said, each situation is different but i do know that (for me anyway) he NOT the person i thought he was. Very very sad...AND SO NOT MY PROBLEM ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

my stbx called my mother and sister and told her she wanted to work this out. that they needed to all get together and figure out how to make this work because she wanted to. Less than a week later i came home to an empty house. I guess that is a change of heart for you.