I cannot explain what I've been feeling or even feel.. I dont even know what to say or even begin.. tonight I had an episode (which I haven't had in awhile) and I broke my streak and relapsed.. I self harmed which I hadn't done in a long time and I broke down.. I feel empty and emotions are all over the place.. I've been having to force myself out of bed to go to work.. I haven't been sleeping...

I don't know why I do this. I want to have a genuine relationship yet somehow some voice inside me pushes me to go back to my bubble. I am starting a new chapter in my life where I got to meet new people and start building relationships. I was actually okay until something in me just alarmed saying " you are gonna be alone forever and this people don't actually like you." What is wrong with me? I...