Doing my best to overcome my obsessive nature, esp. as concerns my ex. But I find myself wanting to stalk, spy, email, phone and all kinds of sick, addicted behavior. Why can't I just let her go? Why do I want her back? Some days I think I'm over it, the next I'm crying and raging at the Universe for all this shit I can't get rid of. I have never been so low in my life. It doesn't help that I'm sober for 15 mo. and no longer have that relief available to me. It also doesn't help that I'm forced to live with my mother, unemployed and friendless. What the hell happened to me? Ever since I made the decision to get sober, my life has completely fallen apart. NOTHING good has come of it; only misery. I've lost everything, including what little was left of my sanity. I wish I could get better help (besides pharms, 12 step, church, self-help books, chat rooms and prayer-done it all and nothing's working). I miss her so much. I wonder if we'll ever be able to heal this. She wants no contact until SHE says it's ok. Always HER terms; always has been. Why do I even WANT to go back to that?
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