Well yesterday was a horrible day...found out that my lawyer has the final set of settlement papers and I am to sign them Thurs. this really hit me hard. So in my stupidity I decided to drink the pain away...stupid I know...sat on the floor and found drawings our daughter had drawn of the three of us and just bawled my eyes out...then texted the stbx...he got worried about me and came over...and then I purposely picked a fight with him and said alot of mean things...(he has done this to me as well through this process) but now I feel like I started it and I am such an ass... He says he would come home if he could but that I would critize him forever about doing this to me and that I would never forgive him. I think this is his way of throwing the blame on me...like I am not letting him come home. I told him that he can say he wants to come home all he wants, but actions speak louder than words. He has done nothing to show that he wants to come home he could come over on the weeknights and have dinner with us and then go home when our daughter goes to bed. I hate feeling like this....It really sucks...and I am ashamed that I let myself act the way I did.
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