The pain is still very fresh and I still cry that grieving, throaty cry. In October of last year, the last Tuesday of the month, we had just signed a lease on a new home. We were happy, we were excited. Not only did we have a nice home, we had plenty of yard space for our then-two year old to play in, a nice neighborhood, good school district, plenty of space for visiting family and friends. Then, suddenly, that same week on Thursday he didn't come home. He spent the night at a hotel. He returned that Friday night. I had spoken with his best friend's wife who told me that her husband told her that my husband had confided in him that he was pretending with me, and had been doing so for the past eighteen months. That last Saturday in October, I was returning the keys to this new home to the owners since I knew I couldn't afford it on my own salary; I get to the new house and there he is, with another woman, who was also married. Humiliated publically because we're both ministers in a small town, I packed our entire house, with no help from his whatsoever, and moved into a townhouse he said he would pay for. But he refused to pay the rent for it and so with no other choice and no family in this area, I had to pack AGAIN and this time, put everything in storage adn my two year old and I were homeless. During this time, he never tried to help us, financially or any other way. It would be three weeks later, November 28th, that I would find out from a third objective party that his mother (my in law) had invited his new girlfriend over to her house for dinner and that quite possibly my son was with them at this time. Not only this, but he had also flaunted this woman around those whom I thought were mutual friends. Friends who were in my bridal party...friends whom we had hung out with the weekend before he abandoned us. I was so hurt, so humiliated....I slapped him after he confessed to his affair, and of all things, he called the police on me. I had to kiss and hug my son goodbye, and watch him get in the car with his dad before the cops handcuffed me and took downtown. I was charged with simple battery...my picture and charge was published in a locally distributed publication for all the world to see, including my employer and coworkers, and I had to pay nearly $300 to attend a mandatory anger management workshop. I immediately started a child support case on him in December and just yesterday did he even go down there to sign the order...But, what has me really jilted now is, just shy of three weeks ago, he cried and said he wanted us back...but after that, was despondent to any of the requirements I had laid down before him...when he walked away from us in October he had immediately disconnected me from his life publically and socially. Then today he texted me to say we can meet some time next week to sign divorce papers. And while this is probably the healthiest thing he could ever do for me, it burns me and hurts me afresh all over again...I don't understand why I am feeling like I'm losing something when it was ripped away from me six months ago...why is it so fresh?
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