Making love is something that is shaired between two people. Having sex with someone you love is both give and take and feeds a need that we all have. Showing love goes far beyond having sex, it includes paying attention to someone, learning about them (knowlege), supporting them, taking care of them, touching them,understanding them, forgiving, sharing stories, and probably a lot more that I haven't figured out yet. Is sex by it self love no, not in my understanding. Sex by it self is much more primal. That's what I think anyway...

The deeper the relationship is the less important or less of a role the sex is. Don't misunderstand what I'm saying, I think sex is a great part of a relationship but that it is two ways. Love is displayed through so much more than love making....it is all the things big and small you do for eachother from helping out to a soft kiss on the neck with a little sqeeze. Doing the act itself is just part of the big thing we call love.

OK my spelling is way off....damn....whenever I hear the word sex....

I had a lot of sex with the X . Don't recall getting any love from him though. He usually showed affection with cash or gifts. Same way he apologized...here take this.

Wow Richard and Mike, you two have it right. I only hope I can meet a man who feels the same you two do about sex and love.

With my ex, sex didn't have anything to do with love.

I won't settle for that again, not now that I know there is something better.

Wow. after reading this I now see how really disfunctional my second marriage was. I not only didnt have sex with him I didnt get gift either.. LOVE - oh he said he loved me, but those were empty words. Now I realize I was NEVER made love to by that man either.

Perhaps the sentence needs to be rephrased. If a man is in a relationship without sex, he will wonder if there is love. Of course it's possible for there to be love without sex but the physical act confirms it in a man's mind at a very basic level. This is especially true is neither partner has any physical or emotional handicap.

May I answer this with a question? Don't women want to have sex with their spouse/mate when affection, respect and attentiveness is displayed? I believe there can be two types of sex in a marriage, the first is that primalistic encounter when both are just horny. The second is that angelic intimacy that can only be experienced between the couple when a man shows his love through affection, respect and attentiveness.

This is how I see (only one man in over 23 years...so...take it for what its worth)

When I felt connected to my husband I wanted to have sex - When we had sex it made him want to connect - Based on this, I feel that men do show love through sex

Relationships are not about sex - If the relationship is working the sex will too (medical conditions do not apply)

I have never thought of sex as a gift/reward or punishment/retaliation...it just is

I agree Glenn. All I ever got was the primal ape thing.

My husband told me this about how he feels about sex:
If I didn't give him enough, he didn't feel loved, however he himself had intimacy problems so he did not associate having sex with me and love at the same time.
So basically, I was the only one who showed love through sex.

In my opinion, the are not the same. making love is a special thing, yes it involes intercourse but it a special thing. Sex is just that, Sex! you can have sex with someone you do not love but does it lead to love? Who knows. Men show love in many way, I would suggest reading the 5 Languages of Love. There is more to love than sex. Touch, gifts, quality time, attention, acknolagment (sp).

I've laid beside my husband for 19 yrs just waiting for a touch or something a foot even.I have cried myself to sleep I can't count how many times.It was once a month for the past 16 years..Ive been crying out to him for over the past 5 yrs that we were in trouble & I need to feel loved, not in just this area but in all areas of our marriage. I have to say that he has put some effort into it for the past 2 years but it's just a little to little to late. Nothing really changes for long, I'm so afraid it will go back to the way it was if I stay.When I had asked to separate last Sept, he became a candidate for the "lover of the year award" with how much he loves me & the whole nine yards to go with it..So I was really confused, I really thought he would have been ok with us separating..I truly believed he didn't love me..So I really don't know about this one..

I think sex is an important way to be close and intimate with your spouse. I dont feel however that it is the only way to express love. Love is a many faceted thing. You feel sad when your spouse is sad. You want to jump for joy when they are happy. You dont allways agree but you respect and support decisions made. There are so many ways to show love. Sex is nice, but it doesnt necessarily mean love.