
Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
should we put the cards on the table......

deleted_user
first of all i'am ready to receive not so nice treatment from this board, and yes i know there;s other boards that i can go to. but i've found friends here, and this is were i read posts, and were i have found my situation to be very similar to others here. okay, i got married when i was 16 yrs. old, my H was 21, we have been married for 15 yrs. so far, we have a teenage daughter 13yrs. and a 9 yr. old daughter. everything was great, the first years of my life in my marriage were good, although not the greatest, but we were in love, even though we had gone thru alot, he's parent separation at the time of our marriage, us having to take care of his two lil siblings even before we even go to be a yr. together. he was working and i was in HS. it was alot of stress, but there was love. his brother was 12 and sister 11, so very difficult age, we suffered for food, hard to find a place to live etc. etc., but i never said anything, his dad would come and go, and would never give him a cent for food at least for the kids, but my mouth kept closed, his mother came and went when she wanted but only to take what lil we had, and to create more problems. so finally we made it thru, during the summer i would get summer jobs, and the end of my senior year i had my fist baby. i graduated, started college, and enrolled into the nursing program, i have a nursing degree LVN. i also had another lil girl my depression got bad, after the birth, but somehow, i was in denial, no one understands me up to this point they say it's lazyness, but it's not. my sex drive went down hill, and that's when hell started, about 4yrs. ago, i feel i love my husband to a certain degree because he is the father of my children but i don't have any sexual desires towards him any more i care about him, he got to the point where he would sexually rape me, whenever he wanted sex, we use to get into these ugly fights i would get bruises in my legs and my hands because of him forcing his hands on me, i would dread the night coming on, i would sleep in the couch he would eventually wake up and not find me there, and drag me to the room, stating that was the place i needed to sleep, and that i would sleep there because he wanted. at one point he kicked me off the bed because i managed to get away from him, another time i fought back, and he slapped me in the face saying it was my fault that i made him do it. and then he would just push me around and get real close to me such as intimidating me in order for me to do as he says.
well any how, i ended up feeling so depressed and stuck in a shit hole that i found a person who i talked on line with for a couple yrs. before we met in person, and i was unfaithful to my H and i just don't know my self, i know i've committed a big sin, i still talk to this person, we've been talking for four yrs. i've tried to to leave my husband three times already but i'm unsuccesful. now i've come to the conclusion that i need to break of this marriage because we basically live like good friends, i commited audultery and that's unacceptable in the eyes of god, so the marriage is over, i need to tell him but i'm scared, but that's my only way out. even though he's going to hate me for the rest of my life, but at least i will have peace in my life. and be the owner of life, because he still tries to control what i do to some degree, and it shouldn't be that way.
well any how, i ended up feeling so depressed and stuck in a shit hole that i found a person who i talked on line with for a couple yrs. before we met in person, and i was unfaithful to my H and i just don't know my self, i know i've committed a big sin, i still talk to this person, we've been talking for four yrs. i've tried to to leave my husband three times already but i'm unsuccesful. now i've come to the conclusion that i need to break of this marriage because we basically live like good friends, i commited audultery and that's unacceptable in the eyes of god, so the marriage is over, i need to tell him but i'm scared, but that's my only way out. even though he's going to hate me for the rest of my life, but at least i will have peace in my life. and be the owner of life, because he still tries to control what i do to some degree, and it shouldn't be that way.
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I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
without telling you that your infidelity isn't your fault, because it is, let's back up and talk about before that...
your husband... the person you are supposed to be able to count on to protect you, respect you, the one you are supposed to be able to trust more than anyone else in the world, raped you. this is serious. if what you are saying is true, and i'll assume it is, than you are way late in getting gone. reaching out to someone is probably something that you needed to do for survival. taking it to the next step and being unfaithful, and doing it instead of leaving your marriage would be, in my opinion, poor decisions.
time to get out. i venture to advise that at this point you don't "stay" with either of these men. it's obvious why you need to get rid of your husband.... and the other, represents a part of you that you aren't proud of, and may not ever be able to move past for yourself without losing him too. i realize that sounds like dismal advice, and none of it fun, but it might be time for some "you" in your life.
*hugs*.... i'm sorry for you.
You must get out of this sham of a marraige before you get killed. There is no excuse for your husband leaving bruises on your body after forcing himself on you EVER EVER EVER! That is most definately RAPE and if you choose to stay until it happens again, the next time I would get myself to a hospital, document everything and press charges!
Regarding the infidelity...You need to dump this man immediately! Not in a day, or a week or a month....TODAY. You had no business bringing another man into your life while you are still married. It is not fair to your husband (even the louse that he is) and it is sure not fair to the other man. Finish your business with your husband before you enter into another relationship with someone else.
It is also apparent to me you have a lot of work to do within you own soul...you need to find that peace within yourself before you go looking for it from someone else. You have to take care of you!
Sorry if I seem harsh, but you are a train wreck waiting to happen and only you can control how this plays out. Figure it out now, before any more damage is done.
Good luck.
GET OUT of there. Choose a way you can do it an be safe. Get a restraining order against him if necessary.
We do stupid things thinking someone else will save us... you always had a voice and we choose to keep our mouths shut to keep the peace but inside it boils and poisons us. We are ultimitely responsible for what we do.
I feel that you want to tell him hoping that he throws you out so you don't have to face the fact that you simply stopped loving him as a husband and this way it's his fault. Trust me, he will NEVER accept fault becuase he will believe you didn't want to have sex because you had another man (even if you didn't and the Pope swore to it too)....
Why put more shit in the pot, just ask for a divorce without adding more pain to him and your children.
As for the other man, you will not respect him one day even if you think you love him now... it's being codependent or having a transition man so you can lean on someone
Good luck! We all have to do it our own way at our own time but not growing and using someone else as a crutch will lead you to fall on your face again
We all make mistakes, it's your job to learn from them and move forward in healthy safe manner. Don't beat yourself up any longer, or allow your husband to control you any more. You owe yourself that...Truly!
Sending you the strenght to do what you have to do for you..Please, take care of you!