There is no good time to do this. I don't understand what people mean doing things "after the holidays" as if that will make the kids feel sad any less. I mean they'll just have to experience mom and dad not together the next holiday.

If she is going to start moving stuff out today then they need to know as soon as possible. What are they going to think? It's never going to be easier if you wait. So just tell them.

And for the record stbx and I faked it at a family gathering Oct 06 and my mom knew but did not say anything until I brought it up. So you would not be fooling anybody.

I think telling the kids should be done ASAP. When my STBX told my step daughter (who I'm the only dad she knows), she took it very hard, she cried. The next day she stayed home from school and talked with MOM. She understands why, she know how unhappy mom and dad were (we never fight). I think the kids handle things better than the two divorcing. And I think they know more than we think they do. Good luck with this, I know it will not be easy.

They need to be told ASAP. The two oldest will pick up on something going on. There is never a good time. But the sooner the better, then you as a family can begin the healing process. Good luck.

I actually was just at a child counselor to talk about how to ell our 6 yr old and she said never do it on a holiday. They will always remember the holiday by that sad event. I am going to try and be out by the beginning of December so mine doesn't lose the excitement of Christmas.

if you have time to look at a the book "Mom's House, Dad's House" I really recommend it. it is full of very good advice.

here might be one of the worst times: my stbx lost his temper about something, turned around in the car and told our 2.5 year old--Daddy's moving out. . . she didn't handle it very well.

The best thing about telling the truth is you never have to remember what you have said.
Kids aren't stupid,they know when something is up.What is going to be important is being truthful with them,both of you.
When explaining things to the kids do not blame each other,you don't want the kids to feel like they have to choose sides.
Some marriages don't work out because people grow in separate directions and that makes it hard to be partners.But if you both agree that the kids emotional well being comes first,(which it seems as you are doing),than keep that in mind.
Holidays can be stressful enough,adding a dog and pony act can make it harder.
You can help each other move on by assisting one and other but still have the end goal of ending your marriage.
All the best,this is never an easy time for anyone.

I would safely bet they already know. Kids are more in tune than anyone realizes. They may have known before you did.

Are you going right to divorce or is there a possibility of a separation with marriage counseling? If you think that the second is a possibility, I wouldn't recommend saying you're divorcing just yet. Once you ring that bell, it's pretty tough to "unring" it with kids. But if you really do know for sure, then perhaps the two of you could come with some kind of agreement on celegrating Thanksgiving then telling them right after. There's nearly a month between Thanksgiving and Christmas to let things sink in without ruining either major holiday -- which our counselor heartly agreed with. Good luck!

I really want to try to fix our marriage, but my STBX doesn't have any interest. She refuses to go to counseling.

kids are very insightful---even when you think they know nothing (uncanny is a better word). I think the sooner the better to get it out in the open. Why lie (pretend) when it will only cause more hurt feelings? Just my POV

Unfortunately I'm in your same shoes..well, kinda. We are going to wait until after the holidays but I asked him why would he want to be with my family during thanksgiving...so now he has decided to spend thanksgiving on travel, and I'm sure he won't be lonely thanks to his GF!!!! You need to tell them together because they'll see her packing. Don't put the kids in the middle by saying mean things about their mommmy, I know as much as you will want to, but it's not the kids fault this is happening. Love your children and stay close and available for them so they feel they can talk anytime they feel the need. Please also alert the school counselor/school nurse because it will affect them in school too. I'm sorry for your pain, truly I am. HUGS!

The kids really need to know. A lot of times they know before they are told. I had a final dinner right before our separation with her family. I called it the last supper. Actually got a chuckle out of her.

Normally, I would say let them have this holiday. I'm sorry but I believe the holidays are about family and kids. but I agree that they already know something is going on. I can't imagine them not feeling the tention in the home. As for every one else...you don't have to go to grandma's together..get everyone use to not seeing you together.

Well, now the 15 and 13 year-olds (her kids, my stepkids) know. Only my little darling 6 yr old doesn't know. It looks like it's just going to be the 2 of us driving out to San Diego for Thanksgiving.