
Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

deleted_user
My husband and I have been married for only 3 years and now I've messed it up. He works out of town alot and I'm left alone. When we got married I couldn't imagine ever doing anything to hurt him and yet I have. I've betrayed our vows and slept with another man. My husband caught us and was devastated. He says he wants to work things out and stay together but I'm not sure it could work. We are still living in the same house although in seperate rooms on opposite ends of our home. We have a five year old daughter who lives with us and I have two older girls that live close by. I know this is hurting everybody and nobody wants us to get divorced. I still have feelings for him just not the same as the day we said our vows. I can honestly say that he's treated me better than any other man ever has. So what's wrong with me that I could,would and have walked away from him. I know that being lonely and depressed aren't good enough reasons to throw this marriage away. I'm still seeing the other man and my husband knows it. He keeps telling me that he still loves me and he hopes I'll come to my senses and come back to him. What am I supposed to do and how do I stop the pain I'm causing everyone. I need advice not criticism.
Posts You May Be Interested In
-
theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
-
I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
Don't feel guilty about sleeping with another man while you were married, that will just waist energy you could use to have sex with the OM and break your husban'd heart anymore. This is all about you, and you don't need that bothering you.
Don't worry about how this will affect your daughter and how this will destory her faith in marriage. She'll deal with that in therapy later on. Remember, this is all about you right now.
Don't divorce your husband, drag this thing out to the bitter end. You need to be happy at any costs, what does some pain on his part matter when you've got someone you can sleep with? This is all about you, honey. Don't ever forget that.
I hope this is the advice you were looking for. I tried to keep the criticism to a minimum.
You can't stop the pain that you've caused, but you can acknowledge it and own it. If you haven't cut it off with the other man you should do it now. He won't be good for you in any case. Keeping it going with him will only cause more pain for your whole family. If you want out of your marriage get out first then find someone else. And don't think that you feelings for that man won't change over time either, then you'll be in the exact same place emotionally after a few years anyway. That's why you need councelling...Do you want to live this cycle the rest of your life? Life is not a honeymoon. You didn't say whose child the 3 year old is. If it's yours with your husband, you owe it to her to try to make things work for her family. Best of Luck.
p.s. It's pretty UGLY right now.
I will not heap guilt and take out any bitterness on someone who came to this site looking for help. Instead I give you this:
There is a book out by Mira Kirshenbaim called "Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay". It deals with the reality that if a relationship is not working, then there must be reasons. The book gives the reader insight on why it might not be working, and then gives the reader some tools to help determine if it is their best interest to call it quits - or to stay ad recommit. It does not preach, command or condemn, it guides.
CVGL pointed out that the frequent travelling was probably a serious issue. It's probably not something your husband can help, but you might want to explore just how serious an issue you have with that, and how it effects your long term happiness. However, I suspect there is a whole lot more going on that you haven't revealed in a single paragraph, that has given you serious doubts about your relationship - an afair is generally a symptom of something wrong. Counseling couldn't hurt.
To continue a relationship where one person is ambivalent will only make it worse for everyone, including kids, further down the road. There's really not much middle ground - it's a matter of staying or leaving. Good luck, I hope it works out best for everyone in the end.