No way

I should have added let the kids pick out something small for him and a card from them but you shouldn't get him anything

You asked him and he answered you. Sometimes those are tough things to hear and even harder to do. Buy yourself something

I asked my husband who still lives with us for now,the same thing,and he said nothing also,we never buy gifts for each other anyways,why now?No he never buys me gifts for any reason.I always did for him,So I saw a nice ringI wanted for xmas,and bought it for myself,It felt great,

No, I don't think that you should get him anything and I don't think I would have told him what I wanted, but that was your choice. When you are living together it that situation I can see where it would be tough, but you have to remember that you are not together in the sense that you are happy go lucky in love husband and wife. I would probably back off from doing alot of things for him. Probably the best thing to do is get separated places to live, but I know that is easier said than done. Don't set yourself up for heartache, don't expect your stbx to treat you like you are still a couple, you will get hurt in the end. Concentrate on the kids that day.

I am not going to get him anything, and I don't want anything from him. He got me a small gift for our anniversary after telling me he wanted a divorce, it is just a painful reminder.

I have been battling the same ? I have desided that the kids will get him something but I am not getting him anything. I wouldn't if I were you

NO! Give him nothing. Spend the money on making a fun Christmas memory with your children. Take them somewhere special or to a restaurant you wouldn't usually visit. When they are older, they will remember that fun time at Christmas with you during a not so pleasant period in their lives. Choose something that will be really memorable!

COAL in a stocking?

Had a thought after I ended my last post..
I did this with my daughter... get your girls all dressed up.. go to a nice dinner and then take them to a live production of "The Nutcracker"... It's a Christmas thing and all these years later, my daughter still remembers how much fun that was... and it's the kind if thing you could make a yearly tradition with them. Just an idea :-)

My ex keeps telling me she's gonna get me a new bowling ball for Xmas. For what? So that every time I go to leagues(a break from I'm not dealing with everything else) that I can look at it and remember her? She still pretends like we're married in some phases and it kinda ticks me off. Like dealing with a child. I do think it's a nice gesture for you to get something small for him from the kids. This way, you're not being petty and the kids feel good about it. If he doesn't get you anything, consider it a blessing in disguise.

Since my adult kids will be eating dinner with their father - I am leaving a few small gifts for him - however, I am keeping my kids gifts from me with me so they'llhave to come get em. also, since I know my kids are broke, I will give them each a small amount of money to buy a gift for their father. He really has no one else, and I don't want him to be miserable on Christmas. Someone has to be the bigger person. However, I didn't spend more than $15.00 on stbex. Most of my money is in kids and friends.

sure...a big ole sack of reindeer poo ;)

Thanks everyone for all your good advice!! I now see that I should stop doing things for this ASSHOLE and focus more on myself and my children. I need to realize that he nolonger wants me as his wife and get over it. The are plenty of men out there and I'm wasting my time Playing house with this one. God Bless Shannen

I think this is about more than just a Christmas gift... It would be about birthdays and Valentine's day too, right..?

You're obviously still in love with your soon to be ex.... Don't buy him anything and don't expect anything in return. That part of your relationship is over. I'm sorry to be so blunt, but it appears to be the reality.

Have your kids buy him something from them - or even better, make him something. Focus on creating a partnership with your ex to raise your kids. This will keep their environment much more stable.

In the mean time, start the process of moving on....