Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

9,240 Members
98,945 Posts
6 Online
Relationships & Sexuality
/ Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Should I help him financially?

deleted_user
deleted_user
We have been living separately since 26 Nov'08, having counselling seperately and recently together (hasn't gone well).

He earns almost 3 times what I earn and yet has only been paying for 1/2 rent and utilities (no money for our 2 year old daughter or other housekeeping) since we have been together (4 years). He has spent freely throughout the last year even though I have been raising the matter with him constantly (part of why we are living separately).

In counselling he acknowledged that he has excluded me from the financial decisions but wants to change all that.

He asked for money from, feels that he has helped me out in the past, I should help him out. His last email said he is humuliated that he has to ask, that I won't help, wants me to '**** off, never come back'.

I feel strongly about maintaining my wedding vows, love a big part of who he is, am very confused.....

I have given him some money today, have not heard from him, don't know what to do.
deleted_user
deleted_user
STOP! He's not helping to support your child! What you may be doing is setting a precedent that he can bring into court. Even t hough you do make more he is still responsible for providing support for your daughter. He is a grown man and can work a 2nd job..your two year old cannot!
deleted_user
deleted_user
sorry misread t hat..he makes more and he's not paying and asking YOU for money! Don't give him any!
deleted_user
deleted_user
There is no info in here about WHY he may be in a financial bind except that, as you say, he overspends. He outearns you, has excluded you from financial equality and decision-making in the past, and is not doing his share toward expenses for your child. He expresses hostility (**** off and never come back) b/c you have so far refused to hand over money to him, and counseling is not going well. I would advise strongly against handing over money to him.
deleted_user
deleted_user
WHy does he need the money?
deleted_user
deleted_user
I sounds as though he is holding you hostage, so to speak...If you don't give him the money, "*****off and never come back". WTF! Without knowing the details, I would say that if it is not a medical emergency, do not give him the money.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Don't let him blackmail you. That's what he's trying to do. Get a court ordered child support, and have it deducted from his paycheck automatically.

Don't give him a penny.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Here in the U.S.A we call people like him a "Dead Beat". He makes 3 times what you do AND does nothing to help with your child??? Tell him to "PISS OFF" and get a court order for child support. He's a user and will continue to be a "Dead Beat" if you don't nip it in the Bum now... {{{HUGS}}}
deleted_user
deleted_user
Forgive me, but I find this a little sketchy, detail-wise. But If I understand: he makes 3'x more than you, does not support your child, spends freely, abuses you if you don't capitulate,and counseling isn't going well...
No, not another cent and talk to a lawyer about getting child support from, him. Soon.
FrankTheGreat
FrankTheGreat
Are you kidding?

Don't give him another nickel.
deleted_user
deleted_user
thanks for your advice... I know in my head I should not help him but in my heart I want to do whatever I need to do for us to stay together... I must be going crazy...
deleted_user
deleted_user
It probably wont keep you together. He is most likely just using you. Keep that in mind!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Your wedding vows? Wow, he does not seem to be keeping up with his so why would you? I would not give him a dime! I am like FlordiaFather, he is probally using you and giving him money want bring him back!
patti22
patti22
My ex spent more than I did too. I finally had enough and told him that I can't cut back enough to support his excesses.

Hey a hundred dollars is enough "extra" money to keep me happy for a month or two, and was enough to keep him happy for a night. Believe me, divorce has been kind to me financially. I no longer feel guilty if I go out to eat once a month, or spend a little extra on the kids.
Posts You May Be Interested In
  • SimpsonsOK

    The 2 day deal

    Posted by: SimpsonsOK
    Last Reply: Leo
    18
    Just letting you know what happened.  Wednesday afternoon the site said I was banned.  I contacted them via e-mail responses to a spammer I had reported.  (Always need to keep the site safe.)  I was heartbroken that some would feel I had abandoned them.  An hour ago, I got an e from DS that said the banning was an error, so I am back with the many people I care about.  Healing hugs to all,...
  • AngelaJo

    Anniversary of Late husbands Car accident, *TW*

    Posted by: AngelaJo
    Last Reply: Beatha
    11
    My thearpist told me to use the DBT skill coped ahead. How do i cope a head for something like this? His car accident was May 28th 2011 and i am haunted the past week with flashbacks of going thru the accident scene with mom and dad to get to the hospital, not knowing if he was alive, seeing the car and my head was telling me he must be dead, look at it!!!!! I was freaking out, i was in the front...