Wow thats tuff....I feel for you on the hanging over your head part. the children will pick up on that tension . If I had some advice to give it would be "the game plan will always be you two being the parent whether your married or not" aside form the married part , maybe try focusing on the coparenting aspect and see if a schedule or routine would work...If money is tight I always do what I can , where I can

Around her we have what is called "deemed income", or "potential income". It is what you (she) are (is) capable of making.

I was working partime since taking stress leave, and x's lawyer said I had to go back fulltime, or support would be lowered.

Can't they force her to work to her potential??? If she asks for money, makes sure it goes to the kids, buy them groceries, pay a light bill, but don't just hand money over to her, or she will never have to work.

Stay strong, maybe soon she will grow up and become responsible.

Poney...if she is not working the jugde will change the support amount.

I have such a difficult time understanding this. I thoroughly despise my job, I dread getting up in the morning, I get nauseous actually doing it...but the fact of the matter is, it's an exceptionally good paying job, and I just GO.

I am GOING to change positions soon, but not until everything is sorted out. If I end up taking something that pays a bit less, that's MY issue, and MY decision and something that will cause me to revisit MY lifestyle choices.

I may vehemently hate my STBX, but my job is MY choice..why would I ask him for money because I made a choice?

hmm. Make sure that your journal is readily accessible. I'd also make this a concern with her inability to provide for the kids as she's a healthy capable person to work, for money. It sounds as if she's just being lazy and afraid of commitment (to work and of course in her relationships). Sorry for your issues.

I have the same issue, Pony.

Ask the attorney the ramifications. I would try to mediate an agreement asap, as it is legally binding re: child support. Fair is fair after all, for BOTH sides!!!

I would pump her up with compliments and let her know how strong she can be in the workforce. An attorney would then ask her "income capacity", if she answers with confidence it is on the record.

My stbx threw a big ole "every bit as much as him, or more!" when pressed about her income capacity. we pressed this into action and stated no alimony, as earning potential was equal. It is now in writing and binding.

And she has been fired from two SENIOR level accounting positions this year alone. LOL.

I'm sorry to hear that she chooses NOT to hold up her fair share. I often wish the judges would hand those dead beats a shoe shine kit and tell them to get their ass out there and work. It only seems logical to me.

But then, I've never chosen to play the poor me game.......I have ALWAYS worked, many years at 2 or 3 jobs just to have the life that I want to have and not rely on the kindness of others.

I don't know what to say Pony.. truly difficult.

Our divorce act in Canada is based on support guidelines based on the previous years Taxation returns.

You can set the amount and have it reviewed every year or every few years.

I declined spousal support, in fair exchange for a few other things. I gave him my half of his govt pension.. and 20 years of spousal that was due to me.. and I paid off a lot to him for the house.

that said.. I could. but have not yet asked to see his tax forms for 2006 .. I should.. it would mean a bit more money for the children. Again there are guidelines for child support in Canada.

you might want to just cut a straight proposal with the lawyers. Child maintenance.. no spousal for her. You are not a Cash cow.. yes you want to take care of the children. you are a good dad.. a great dad. Time for her to step up.

and.. the child support, etc you pay will change on a annaul basis after the tax year.

Huh... Well... wow taking care of kids is a big job for two much less one. I just wonder how much women give up to give birth and take care of babies while Dads career just keeps sailing along nicely. I would just like to point out that there are lots of unacknowledged costs associated with motherhood. Thankfully, our judicial system is happy to point them out to those that may have overlooked them.

were we married to the same woman? wow, must be twins. I am sorry for the issue and understand it perfectly. i have four children and my ex survives on a job that pays $100 per week and my child support and maintenance (voluntary maintenance). i used to be in this position of helping her as much as possible, way above what i need to be doing. i have always had the guilt in my head, she is the mother of my children, she spent all that time with me, i am the one that left, etc. and yes, i should fulfill my obligation to her, court ordered obligation - anything over is what i do for the children, goes directly to my children from my hands. i have found that i am crutch. she has been too dependent on me and i have been allowing it. there is no reason why she can not fend for herself, all the children are in school all day. i find that the more i do, there seems to be an inclination in her that thinks we would get back together, which is not an option. cut back, do what is ordered. if she takes you to court, most judges take in consideration that the ex is able bodied to work, but refuses to. unless she can prove her point about the children needing her home. however, if you are maxed out on support, the judge really can not order anymore. there is also the situation in if she can not maintain a home for your children, there could be an issue with custody. i am overwhelmed just thinking about it.

I know what you are going thru-hang in there.

Never believe what a woman says, especially one you where married to.

Oh and what could she be "holding" over your head, you have legal rights to.

My brother had a threat like that, and he said "sure, and I will start to fight for custody"

Poof the problem was gone.

Dont be punked out man. :)