
Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

deleted_user
Well those of you who read my journal know I have had some concern the past few days or so about my STBX quitingher job. From what my 14 year old son told me last night she has. I talked to her about it yesterday in the morning, at that point she said she had not quit but was really considering it and would probably do so before the holidays.
She tries to justify it as being concerned for the way our two daughters are reacting to the separation and divorce. I just see it as her quiting yet another attempt at a career. I don't think that she help a job for more than 2 or three years the whole time we were married, and she never stayed in a career field. This most recent job was the closet she had to a professional skilled job and it lasted about 4 months or so.
She tried to assure me that she wasn't going to ask me for more child support than what we agreed I would be paying for Daycare. I Want to believe her, but don't really need that weight hanging over me. She said she doesn't want me to be poor. Yeah right even if that means she is...I can just see it the first time things get tight she will come to me saying she needs money for this or that for the kids and if I would give her a hard time about it she would go straight to domestics.
14 years of her holding this over my head. Oh Joy!
She tries to justify it as being concerned for the way our two daughters are reacting to the separation and divorce. I just see it as her quiting yet another attempt at a career. I don't think that she help a job for more than 2 or three years the whole time we were married, and she never stayed in a career field. This most recent job was the closet she had to a professional skilled job and it lasted about 4 months or so.
She tried to assure me that she wasn't going to ask me for more child support than what we agreed I would be paying for Daycare. I Want to believe her, but don't really need that weight hanging over me. She said she doesn't want me to be poor. Yeah right even if that means she is...I can just see it the first time things get tight she will come to me saying she needs money for this or that for the kids and if I would give her a hard time about it she would go straight to domestics.
14 years of her holding this over my head. Oh Joy!
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I was working partime since taking stress leave, and x's lawyer said I had to go back fulltime, or support would be lowered.
Can't they force her to work to her potential??? If she asks for money, makes sure it goes to the kids, buy them groceries, pay a light bill, but don't just hand money over to her, or she will never have to work.
Stay strong, maybe soon she will grow up and become responsible.
I am GOING to change positions soon, but not until everything is sorted out. If I end up taking something that pays a bit less, that's MY issue, and MY decision and something that will cause me to revisit MY lifestyle choices.
I may vehemently hate my STBX, but my job is MY choice..why would I ask him for money because I made a choice?
Ask the attorney the ramifications. I would try to mediate an agreement asap, as it is legally binding re: child support. Fair is fair after all, for BOTH sides!!!
I would pump her up with compliments and let her know how strong she can be in the workforce. An attorney would then ask her "income capacity", if she answers with confidence it is on the record.
My stbx threw a big ole "every bit as much as him, or more!" when pressed about her income capacity. we pressed this into action and stated no alimony, as earning potential was equal. It is now in writing and binding.
And she has been fired from two SENIOR level accounting positions this year alone. LOL.
But then, I've never chosen to play the poor me game.......I have ALWAYS worked, many years at 2 or 3 jobs just to have the life that I want to have and not rely on the kindness of others.
Our divorce act in Canada is based on support guidelines based on the previous years Taxation returns.
You can set the amount and have it reviewed every year or every few years.
I declined spousal support, in fair exchange for a few other things. I gave him my half of his govt pension.. and 20 years of spousal that was due to me.. and I paid off a lot to him for the house.
that said.. I could. but have not yet asked to see his tax forms for 2006 .. I should.. it would mean a bit more money for the children. Again there are guidelines for child support in Canada.
you might want to just cut a straight proposal with the lawyers. Child maintenance.. no spousal for her. You are not a Cash cow.. yes you want to take care of the children. you are a good dad.. a great dad. Time for her to step up.
and.. the child support, etc you pay will change on a annaul basis after the tax year.
My brother had a threat like that, and he said "sure, and I will start to fight for custody"
Poof the problem was gone.
Dont be punked out man. :)