After numerous text messages, angry, bitter words flying back and forth over something totally "stupid", feelings and emotions all brought back to surface, then the lapse in messaging, sudden silence, then the message from my H comes "good night" Why are you telling me good night? How much do you possibly want to hurt me? And then I realize, it is late and I know exactly what just happened. After our text messages, knowing he was wrong, feeling bad for what he said to me but kept it going anyway, he was home. Not "home" as it should be, he was there at the "love shack" the apartment he rented for him and his whore. And in the end, not even as much as a warm hello to greet him, no loving arms, no kiss and how was your day and definitely no hugs from precious children, not even a whore to lay down with and pretend. Even she is gone. While he will never admit it, I feel certain she did not get the life she so much she thought she was, her motives from the beginning, and she hit the road. Now I am at home with our daughters still traumatized by this situation seven months later, they still cry at night for daddy to come home, wish on every birthday candle, falling star, for daddy to come back and pray to the God they believe in to fix it all, and he goes into an empty apartment, worn and weary every night, with the only person to face; the man in the mirror. And who knows even maybe she(OW) is out there somewhere in this world broken hearted. Who gained anything from this? I went and picked up divorce papers today to fill out and right now at this moment my heart is breaking all over again. I feel like I cant breathe!! My heart breaks for us all and if I am the christian I claim to be, then yes that even includes her. There is no gratification in her leaving him, him changing his feelings for her, whatever the reason was, i'm sure I will never know, at least if they were madly in love then my daughters' pain and mine would not seem so useless. What's left in the end is nothing but "shattered hearts"
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