
Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Honestly..unless there is really good communication..it's easier to just do it yourself.
The times I have tried to involve my ex..it just made things more complicated.
I have recently started telling my ex that I will not be her baby sitter. That is often what ex'es conveniently become....they love their children and jump at every opportunity to be with them, yet each ex has to tend to their own needs for sex, companionship, socializing, fitness, etc.
I will not babysit my children so that she can go get laid. NOT happening. So, the best way to avaid this dilemma is to stick to the schedule as it was defined. Maybe someday things will be different, but you divorced eachother for a reason and you each now have a right to pursue happiness and to make a new life while you incorporate the care and nurturance of the children....not the needs of the ex...that is for them to manage on their own.
I'm not looking to get laid, either, nor am I looking for time for myself. I'm looking for him to ask me how I think his children are handling the divorce he wanted but I didn't.
I'm moving on with my life by returning to school and building a support network; he's moving on by returning to his addiction.
Our younger son hypothesized this morning that "maybe Dad's getting sick of us." I don't think this is what co-parenting should be.
I find that once you get used to it, it's easier not to have another person involved in decisions when their focus is elsewhere, and you are the appointed one to carry out anything that may be decided.
You do need to respond to your son, perhaps by asking why he thinks that, and if the reason is the limited time your X spends, just say that this is the plan right now and you are all trying to get used to it, and that when you were all living together it was easier to be spontaneous about doing things but now it is more planned, which has its good sides and its bad sides.
If you want to kind of punish him for being the one to do things to break up the marriage, or you want him to acknowledge the harm he has done to you all, you'd best deal with that on your own - I have a hard time thinking you are going to get any satisfaction in that pursuit, and there is no point in dragging your kids into it either.
You've left the door open, but you can't make the horse cross over (is that how the saying goes?).