Want to listen to some audio books and seminars? that may help. Ever hear of Wayne Dyer? I started reading his books in 1993 and he's helped me all these years. He even went through separation and divorce just before I did, so he helped me through that, too!

You are in a very early stage and this is normal. Stay on DS there is alot of help here. Right now you need to vent and get out as much as possible. Unfortunately you may never have the answers to some of your questions. GOOD LUCK!

webby,,
my counselor is helping with my self-esteem issues at this point.. she actually gave me homework,, I will share this with you via e-mail if you would like!

I remember having the exact same thoughts and feelings in the beginning of this process. I'm not entirely out of the woods yet but I can tell you with the most conviction that until you accept that you are love-worthy, whether someone loves you or not, you will have a hard time feeling good about yourself.

As long as we define our own worth in terms of others' capabilities to love us and appreciate us, our broken spirits will never heal and we will never feel better about who we are.

You are new in this process. What you need to do is be patient with yourself. Allow yourself enough distance from your wife and your relationship so that you can see yourself for who you are, and not who you became in the marriage.

Getting out and being with people might provide a little distraction but what I found most helpful was taking time to be with myself... looking deep inside, asking most difficult questions, acknowledging that my reality only existed in my dreams... If you face the TRUTH, you will understand youself better, and you might even learn to like who you are.

Self esteme is something that I think we all lose some of when we find out we aren't loved the way we thought we were or at least hoped we would be. I have to live in the same house as my stbx he ignores me and I ignore him but I always feel like I am nothing every time he walks out the door to who are what I don't know. He has many more social contacts than I do, and that also makes my self worth go down a few pegs. But I admit it hurts me, and I don't know if I will ever get over the fact that this person I trusted and loved changed drastically at least towards me and not in a good way. I know it's hard for you right now and it is even for me but I guess every time we wake up and realize hey we woke up, we are still alive, and them leaving us didn't kill us but just hurt us deeply.For me I am going to try very hard and do even little things to help myself and everytime I do I think it will boost my self worth and make me feel stronger and more worth while. I wonder how many of us out here still feel that we are not of much value or even feel envey that the other person is doing so well to be away from us. I don't know if it really matters if it is a first love or what you thought was the love of your life, it will naturaly leave you feeling like you weren't good enough or important enough, maybe what we have to try very hard to do is in our minds anyway(I know the heart is a different story) try and make that person less important and start to think of them as not good enough for us.

bump

what do you mean "bump"

First - see a therapist. Mine was instrumental in helping me.
Second.. Get some books and network like crazy. This site was instrumental to helping me realize first and foremost I wasn't alone in my feelings.

I too put all of my self worth and based it on my marriage. It has taken me a great deal of therapy, tons of networking and reading to realize that I'm not a failure and I am worthy.

Good luck to you.

Individual counseling has helped me a lot. I'm still living with my wife, but she says she does not have feelings for me. What a difference time makes, too. Just hang in there. Each week it gets better.

bump elevates a thread to the top again.

It is harder when the separation is not mutual. But you have to realize that if she wasnt happy, it had nothing to do with you and no matter what you did, it wouldnt matter. It is hard to accept but once you realize that you dont want to be with someone who isnt in love with you, you will find peace. Dont base your self respect on someone elses inability to love. It will get better, but you have to help yourself, and therapy is a wonderful start

Self esteem is one of the most attractive qualities a person can have. It draws people to the person who has it.
You have worth as a person or else you wouldn't be here, so you just have to tap into it and build on it. At rock bottom level a person contributes carbon dioxide for plants. You can start from there to begin building up your awareness of the many ways you contribute to the world around you - you just haven't recognized/acknowledged many of them yet.
Be aware of how you talk to yourself and any time you start to run yourself down replace the negative with a positive statement. Write down goals you want to achieve, starting small, eg: making a person smile today, and continue adding to it as successes come more and more often. The list will give you something to work on every day, and being able to cross something off feels good. Also, reward yourself for your successes.
Sometimes when a person is really hurting the best thing to do is reach out to help someone else - volunteer at a retirement home, help at the food bank, volunteer at your favorite charity.
Take care of yourself and become your own best friend, talking to yourself as a best friend would, forgiving yourself when you need to, cheering you on to goal achievement when you would rather hide under the covers, and believing in you when you didn't think anyone else would. "I believe in you" and "I love you" should be common statements to yourself.
Also, realize that people avoid those who are negative, so while you're in this devastating time period you're going to have to fake a positive attitude until it becomes actuality. Make yourself smile for at least a minute when you're feeling down - you'll be surprised at the results.
The above are quick tips you can do immediately (Yes, start working on them now!), but therapy and reading books will help, too.
Reaching out and asking for help is a brave step to take so you're already on the road to success. Keep at it, you're worth it!