Oh, by the way I am 43 so I am no kid.

KathyCHT, I know how you feel, my family is in Europe and I live in Melbourne, my husband and I are just hours from finially saying the word lets start splitting things (bills, mortgage payments etc up) and getting ready to sell the house. I am scared, I have no one in Aus, 90% of the friends I have are people I met through him and I will not assume I will stay friends with them. I do have a few good people around me but the botton line I am alone and I live in Australian now. The good thing is that I do not want to go back to Europe, I feel 100% australian and it is a wonderful country, I keep saying to myself I have my health, my youth, a good job, good people I work with and I will just at first have to work a little harder to meeting new people quickly and hopefully someone of them will turn out to be friends. Some days I think I can do it and some days I think I am kidding myself, all alone in this big country. But I have to be brave. So I do understand how you feel, you have to find things that make you happy and engage more in the society and eventually you and I can feel like normal people againa and not so alone. Good luck to both or us.

There will be many emotions you will deal with throughout the coming months. If you read my journal, specifically the one posted yesterday, the desparation and torment arise from time to time still.

Take time for yourself. I'm not sure if you read however, reading books on encouragement and dealing with the pain and emtional issues such as lonliness related to divorce will help. A good book to start with is by Rhonda Britten called "Change Your Life in 30 Days" it is a great book for the journey to finding your true self.

Carl Jung said "Man's worst enemy is sitting alone in a quiet room". So true and revealing when you go through divorce. It is important to really get to know yourself.

You are at such a special time in your life. Getting to start over and make your own goals and not have to worry about what "he" will think! Hurray for you. I was 47 when it happened to me. I feel it's better to be happy alone than miserable with "him". There are lots of things to do and places to go to meet people who would love to be your friend. Pursue whatever interests you and join a club or group of those people. Don't be afraid, even the most confident people are shy inside. My ex was like that, he seemed so "together" on the outside, but inside worried about what everyone (except me) thought of him. It is scary, but you can do it. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Talk to us at D.S. we're very supportive.

I am with you. I to am starting over. I have been so scared. I found that I have to be in that place for a little while, but then I start telling myself what I am going to do to have control of my future. It helps me at the moments when I think about picking up my career after 8 years out.

I know how you feel about starting over and being on your own. I am divorced and recently out of a relationship with a man of 6 years that I trusted and depended on whole heartedly. We did everything together. And, now he has left me high and dry. Im scared out of my mind. It is lonely and everyday you experience a different feeling. I have turned to the church and have found out that my coworkers are the best friends and family I have ever had. If it was not for these two sources and my children, I beleive I would be going crazy. I know in time that we will all heal, but its getting to that point that will make us question our faith and ability to do so.

believe it or not it will be good for you to be learn to independent. I was at one time but some how I lost that part of myself. It is all coming back to me quickly and in a way it feels good.

Natalies words "believe it or not it will be good for you to be learn to independent. I was at one time but some how I lost that part of myself"
I think you are right. This may do me some good. I have some codependent issues to work on.

I am 40 and going through a divorce. I have been trying to force myself to go out and do things and try to reconnect with old friends and make new ones. Some days I can't do it - this weekend I have been pretty much home feeling sorry for myself. I am just trying to stay strong and take it one day at a time. I met some nice people volunteering ion the community - you might want to think about doing something like that.

I have experienced the same issues withmy x, plus affairs. I am also afraid of being alone. Even having friends around isn't the same as having a spouse. You probably felt pretty alone most of the time anyway, because of the drugs and porn. When your spouse does these it tears at your sense of self and self worth. Alone you can learn to value yourself, not let his behavior set your value.

Canidoit, you are absolutely right about it affecting my self-esteem. I constantly feel like he has put his addictions before me. I know addicts have a disease, but it still makes me feel less than, especially when I know he is looking at a bunch of other girls.

My ex is also into porn. But you no what deep inside I know it is for the best. Even though I have down days, I am doing things that I never would have done in my relationship. I was so miserable and frustrated. I am making new friends even though it is hard and I am going out. I'm exercizing and have lost 20 pounds. I'm taking care of myself in away I never would have in my marraige. I am 47.

I know its for the best he left.

Kathy..Being alone is a lot different than being lonely. Once you find love in yourself and start loving yourself you will find that you are not alone. Plus, you have us!