Every Saturday morning I get the blues. It's the first big block of time that I have to myself, and it's like I save up all the feelings that I couldn't express during the week adn they hit me all at once (sometimes this starts on Friday night). I am getting better every week (just finishing week #12 of the break-up/divorce process -- seems like 12 years!) but everything still feels so hollow and lonely. Nothing I do seems to matter to anyone but me, which is good of course to do things that matter to me for a change, intellectually it is good, but emotionally it gets tough. 12 weeks and no human being has been in this house with me except for the day that stbx and his brother came to empty out half of it and that was like 8 weeks ago. It just seems unbeleiveable that in this crowded and needy world that I can be so alone.

I will read some books this weekend, clean house, try to teach the little puppy how to walk on a leash, try to get out to by some new shoes that I desperately need, mow the lawn, do some work that I brought home from the office, work on my personal budget, watch some TV, try to plan more healthy dinners for next week (so tired of microwaving everything). I read that list and it is just so apparent that my life is empty. What a f'd up 10 years I had with stbx. I was so much happier and healthier and financially stable before he came along!