I agree. When I got married I knew there would be hard times in the future. I thought he knew that too. I told him I never would have married him had I thought he would bail during the rough times.
I have received a ton of support from my family and friends. They, like you and me, believe in the sanctity of marriage. His family on the other hand. That's another story. His mother said she just wants to stay out of it and let us figure it out for ourselves.
I think he was raised by wolves. What kind of mother stays out of their kids lives by choice. I'm more angry with his family than I am at him.

You wrote my thoughts to the T.

I don't think our culture values the ideals necessary to ensure longlasting marriages anymore.

Everything is disposable. Everything comes with some kind of gurantee that if you don't like it, just bring it back and you can get an exchange.

For some people, they never realize that marriage is not dating (although hopefully dating is still part of a marriage), marriage is supposed to build the foundation for starting and building a family.

But permanence is almost a foreign concept these days. It's portrayed as a ball and chain instead of a safe reassurance from all of the horrible STDs and other unpleasantries out there.

Yes, there are valid reasons for ending a mrriage, and sometimes those reasons do not become manifest until after the wedding, sadly enough.

Marriages take work, respect, trust, and communication. But those qualities seem to pale when compared to one night stands and the "freedom" being single brings for some individuals.

I agree with this. I did not want to get divorced, but my STBX refused to get any sort of help for his drug and sex addiction problems. After fighting it for 2 years, I was beginning to feel I would loose my sanity.
He really didn't live up to his part of the bargain in being a husband, he was more like a roommate who had lots of problems and I was the person he took them out on.
So I wish I could have kept my vows, but there comes a time when one just can't take it anymore. It becomes a danger to your personal and mental health.

I think heartache is on the right track here. A perfect marriage is not one that exists just because each thinks they ought to stay married. A perfect marriage is one where mutual respect, admiration, love and intimacy flow back and forth. Where each remains an individual with their own interests and life, but each is supportive of each other's interests and pursuits. When there is serious problems where one or both face the prospect of being miserable and unhappy for the rest of their lives, to the extent that their mental and physical well being is at stake, even after heroic attmpts to salvage the marriage through counseling, etc., that the ideal of marriage should come second to the ideal a god given right to be happy and healthy. No one should suffer endlessly to keep vows that the other is not capable of keeping. Divorce also takes a committment - to the kids for their well being and to the x for theirs, even if it means complete and total separation from the x - a kind of tough love, if you will. I think it is best for families to take more of a neutral stance - provide support for their loved one when needed - but stay clear of the problems that are not theirs. It is good you want to help your kids through possible marital issues, but inlaw involvement can often create the very problems you want your kids to avoid.

I would rather be on my own than to continue to live where I was living, in the condition I was living, in the financial shape we were living.

I know it was the right thing she initiated when 48 hours after I was out, a severe symptom of MS DISAPPEARED suddenly.

2 months later, I quit smoking cigarettes

6 months after that I was out of debt for the first time in 8 years

14 months after the split I realized why it all happened, and I'm thankful.

It Could have happened Sooner, it Could have happened Later; but thanks to the internet, it happened when it did and all my questions have been answers, all my needs met (finding out what was needed, or buying it on eBay :)

Historically, human behavior has not changed. This society has a different perspective on faithfulness that many other societies do not. For example, in the Philippines, a man of sufficient means can take a mistress (he usually pays for her flat, her education, etc.) and he and his wife have a pact: he maintains the marital home and provides for the kid and the wife; at church they are the picture of a good solid family; he leaves her alone and lets her do as she pleases. That society, a very strongly Catholic one, deeply religious people, condones that behavior. In Japan, men regularly have sex with girls at their golf clubs or office outings and their wives tend to ignore that behavior. Victorian men in Britain were notorious womanizers and abusers. Societies go through 'moral' swings where it is accepted and then it is not accepted. But men and women are programmed to procreate - for the survival of the species - so really there has been no change in human behavior through the ages.
Does this make it easier to accept, to deal with the pain? No, of course not. I don't think that there ever was a sanctity of marriage. Are there couples who love each other still and who die of old age as their only parting? Sure. We unlucky few have not found those people. I didn't mean to be negative or depressing here but for me I have to accept that not all people share my values. I just need to find the woman who does, and I will cherish her and give her a wonderful, fun-filled, loving, caring life.

Love is a decision.....not a feeling!?!

You are so right- I've been trying and trying to get this very idea through my husbands head- why throw away 20 years? Why not work as hard to save our marriage as destroy it? What aobut our vows- didn't you mean them as I did. Marriage is hard work- he doesn't think it should be work at all- it should just come natural... I have been so hurt and devastated, he finally moved out- court ordered last night- very pissed, he actually thought it would be me to go. It's all so sad, I have a lot of healing to do and trust will come very hard- but now I am more accepting that it is truly over and I need to move forward.

I'm sorry but is the sanctity of the vow any LESS broken when a partner doesn't even try to cooperate, or give affection, or communicate, or be physical?

Anyone believing that a vow can only be broken by the person seeking sex outside the marriage is, imho, sorely misguided.

What about those who become selfish and don't even try to meet the needs of a prtner they swore to stand by in sickess and health, for richer and poorer.

I'm not buyin. There are many ways a vow can be broken that do not include emmotional or sexual affairs by a husband or wife.

Puleeeeeze.

I'm sorry but is the sanctity of the vow any LESS broken when a partner doesn't even try to cooperate, or give affection, or communicate, or be physical?

Anyone believing that a vow can only be broken by the person seeking sex outside the marriage is, imho, sorely misguided.

What about those who become selfish and don't even try to meet the needs of a prtner they swore to stand by in sickess and health, for richer and poorer.

I'm not buyin. There are many ways a vow can be broken that do not include emmotional or sexual affairs by a husband or wife.

Puleeeeeze.

The sanctity of marriage no longer exists. When you get married you get this little piece of paper that says you are "Officially Married", Well there is this other little piece of paper that makes that first piece of paper null and void. Its a "Divorce Decree" and it basically makes that first piece of paper nothing more than a 15 cent piece of trash.

Someone said this in a post and it really is true. It went something like this: Love is giving your heart to another person knowing that they can break it, but knowing that they won't"

Thats what marriage was to me. Trusting that person to always be there, that no matter how tuff it is, no matter how many arguements there are, that in the end you stick by that person. In good times and bad, in sickness and in health, til death to us part.

I use to believe that, not so sure anymore though.

Read Taken into Custody by Stephen Baskerville...it just came out

http://ancpr.com/blog/2007/11/04/taken-into-custody-still-gaining-momentum/

I beleive in the sanctity of marraige. I know many life long marriages that are still as one together.
However when one breaks their vow's and refuses to repent or repair the damage then I beleive the other partner should be set free of it. We promised to be faithful, to love. richer or poorer, sickness or in health. If one partner stops loving and does not act on this vow then why should the other spouse do it all.?
My parents had a horrible marriage but stayed together for the children. It was awful. I grow up thinking everyone was angry, depressed, unfullfilled, unloved. That everyone had to live in a home where arguing and cursing, not talking for months, separating into differant living rooms, hearing crying at night and even plates thrown at walls. It is a mircule I turned out the way I did. (No comments please LOL ). There is a balance somewhere. I was determind never to live like they did. Praise God I never had to.

I couldn't agree more. When I said I would marry my husband we both? agreed that it would be forever.but 12 years and two children later he is telling me he hasn't been happy in years and that he wants to live the rest of his life with some kind of joy? I made one marital mistake and I swore that I would never do that again. I think divorce is too easy to get in this country. If there is abuse then that is different, but just because a partner feels unhappy? please. Then have the sack to stay there and work it out.