I dont know what to do anymore. I cant seem to move on and yes its been 1 yr since he moved out but I cant let go. He doesnt know that. I dont tell him I love him or ask him back. I do still hope that he goes to the Dr. and they say the same thing as the 1st Dr. That he is BP. Its so hard for me to think that he can do all this harm and not care. I treated him horrible when I was sick, before I got on the meds. I said the same things to him that he said to me except my friends encouraged me to get help and get better while his encouraged to move out and be single. I guess thats why I am stuck. I keep thinking I got better and all the meaness went away and the old me came back. I keep thinking that will happen with him but it probably wont. He is so cold to me and even the kids. I guess it depends on his mood which vary so much. He hasnt filed for divorce yet which would benifet me in some ways and be in his favor in others. If he doesnt hear from me for a few days he sends me really stupid texts I guess to see if I will answer. I am just a wreck. Please dont beat up on me. I wrote a post on another site and got ripped apart on it. I mean what people wrote back made me cry. Even in my journal sometimes people trash me. I need support and hugs and compassion. I need someone to tell me i am pretty and that i will find someone who will never hurt me and make me feel like its ok to trust again. Someone to give me the biggest hug and just hold me til I fall asleep. Someone like he use to be for 16yrs. It's been 1 yr alone even longer if you count the 5 months before he actually left. I have never been alone before. Since I was 17. I dont like being alone.
Thanks for listening
Thanks for listening
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