Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

9,695 Members
99,168 Posts
1 Online
Relationships & Sexuality
/ Breakups & Divorce Support Group

RU Product of Divorce? Great Dad?

deleted_user
deleted_user
I enjoyed reading the thread and hearing about the nature or ppls relationship with their father because that is a big part of my growth in going forward from here.
I am from a nuclear family - my folks are still married going on 50 years now(!). I don't really have a model for happiness in a binuclear family because I've just never been exposed to that kind of arrangement.
With the breakdown of my own marriage, part of my personal growth is to understand how to be happy outside of the nuclear family model. No papers have been filed as yet, there is no custody agreement as yet (basically I get to see them whenever I want and they overnight once a week).
My question: If you came from a divorced household, what kind of relationship did your father maintain with you through your childhood/adolesence and what is the nature of that relationship today? I've heard so many stories recently from mainly women who's father was a 'bad man' and really not a big part of their lives growing up or even now. There has to be some feel-good stories out there that I can look at as a model for an ideal co-parenting arrangement....
I always tell my kids I'll never leave them...ever. The word "abandonment" should not be in their vocabulary as far as 'daddy' goes. Please help!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hi well here is the thing My parents got divorced when i was three and my dad married my step mom soon after BUT he always made sure that when he came to pick me up on the week ends it was just him so that we culd have a few mis of aloe time so that we could talk and goof off and just tell each other i lov eyou with out having everone else around. He alwas made time for my phone calls and if he had to go away for something he alwyas sent me a post card. He actually started my colletion when i was 10 he started sending them to me and I have been collecting them sents. I think that you just need to be VERY active in your kids life. If they have a game a show or what ever GO don't make excusses kids see righ tthrew them. You seem like a great guy just be you they will respect that more in the long run then anything that money can buy!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I was physically around my dad probably a total of 5 years straight. He and mom divorced because he had to marry my pregnant stepmom. However, my love and respect for him will never die. I have accepted that he is who he is and he never did anything wrong to me and I turned out pretty ok. I want him to be happy on whatever decision he makes because he NEVER abandoned us (he was always there when we had significant issues), even when he was not physically around. Of course, I don't feel hatred towards him because he treated my mom good as well after their divorce. They are very civil up to this point in time.
deleted_user
deleted_user
My parents Divorced when I was 13. Unfortunatly my mom fed me with lies about my dad and I believed them. My dad tried to have a relashonship, but I didnt want it. Only about a 2 years ago I found out that my mom had lied to me about my dad and that we was trying to do the right thing . I will never forgive my mom for that. No matter what do not bad mouth your ex in front of your kids !
deleted_user
deleted_user
My parents split when I was 16 ... they should have a long time before that. There were just horrible years of fighting and verbal abuse. My dad had apparently had several affairs while with my mom, but I never knew about any of them. Until I was at a festival with some friends and saw my dad with another woman. That's why my mom decided to leave.

After that, I hated my dad for what he put my mom through. I refused communication with him for several years. It wasn't until I was ready to get married that I started to mend fences with him, and see how different he was as a person.

I don't think I will ever forget what he did to my mom, but I admire how much he has changed, and how far he has come. He is a good person now. A good dad. And I love them both unconditionally.
cme4me
cme4me
My parents divorced when I was seven. First it was every other weekend, then once a month , then it was holidays only finally it was nothing. If I wanted to see my father I had to go to the bar he worked at on Thursday nights. During my teens years we never saw him. He never came by. He had a new family and a new son. I always wondered if he thought about us since he only live one mile down the road but he never came by. When I was 18 years old I was with my friend who I grew up with and we ran into him. Well he knew who she was right away but I had to tell him I am your daughter. That was the last time I saw him. I am not that angry at him I just know he never cared. Now going through my own hell I always hope that there father will care. I get scared because I know what it is like being from a divorced family. Of course when I was growing up the divorce rate was not over 50% like it is today. Still very confusing to kids I think.
cme4me
cme4me
My parents divorced when I was seven. First it was every other weekend, then once a month , then it was holidays only finally it was nothing. If I wanted to see my father I had to go to the bar he worked at on Thursday nights. During my teens years we never saw him. He never came by. He had a new family and a new son. I always wondered if he thought about us since he only live one mile down the road but he never came by. When I was 18 years old I was with my friend who I grew up with and we ran into him. Well he knew who she was right away but I had to tell him I am your daughter. That was the last time I saw him. I am not that angry at him I just know he never cared. Now going through my own hell I always hope that there father will care. I get scared because I know what it is like being from a divorced family. Of course when I was growing up the divorce rate was not over 50% like it is today. Still very confusing to kids I think.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I am from a nuclear family, my husband the opposite.

I wonder sometimes if his easy approach to leaving is a result of growing up in a single parent household.

My father did have an affair but ended it when my mother threatened divorce.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Wow...stories from both ends of the spectrum. Wild horses won't be able to keep me from wanting to be involved in my kids lives AND THEM IN MY LIFE which is why I am going to file asking for 50% custody (stbx has a problem with that and feels that I should somehow be punished because I'm the one who chose to leave). I tell her I'm leaving her- not our children....
deleted_user
deleted_user
My parents divorced when my brother and I were very young. Only saw my father every couple of months or so. The only father figure I had was my grandfather. Didn't really care for my father growing up.
Posts You May Be Interested In
  • joannklingaman

    Grief

    Posted by: joannklingaman
    Last Reply: MrsMorris
    9
    A friend sent this to me..As far as I can see, grief will never truly end.It may become softer overtime, more gentleand some days will feel sharp.But grief will last as long as Love does - ForeverIt's simply the way the absence of your loved onemanifests in your heart. A deep longing accompaniedby the deepest Love some days. The heavy fog mayreturn and the next day, it may recede.Once again, it's...
  • ainteasybeineazy

    It's my Birthday and no one cares

    Posted by: ainteasybeineazy
    Last Reply: jannytheresa
    55
    Today is my 25th birthday, to my somewhat lack of surprise I can see already no one really seems to care. I've always been the kinda person to make sure that everyone I Care about feels appreciated and knew somebody had their back. I can count 4 times this year when I Went out of my way to make sure a "friend" felt good on their birthday, especially if they got left hanging. Its early in the...