I'm so sick of this roller coaster ride. After having the worst year of mu life, I have been giving my all to make this year so much better. So far I have gotten sick, my daughter has gotten sick, my work has been ridiciously slow so I'm not making what I need to, I have been spending time with my stbx's grandfather who has ben in the hospital practactally on his death bed, and trying to be there for the rest of her family. Even with all of this I have been keeping a up beat attitude, not letting it get me down. But today I got off work at 4 in the morn and drove 3 hours to see my Gpa before he had surgery this morning. After the surgury there were some problems and it didn't look good, he stopped breathing. Now he is back to breathing on his own, and I can't help but think that it's not his time to go yet, I think that he is supose to teach me somthing. I don;t know why, just a wierd feeling. But on the way home, and on the way to the hospital today, I was overwhelmed with thoughts of my wife. No she wasn't there and I have not talked to her since September. I just don't know how much more of this roller coaster I can take. It's been 9 months since she left. Everyone say the whole "with time it will get easier" The only difference between this month and 8 months ago, I can't cry anymore. Almost like my body can;t handle it anymore. And insted of not sleeping at all, I can't stop once I finaly do pass out now, (Ambian to fall asleep some nights) Guess this was the wrong time to try to stop drinking again! (No I don't have a problem with drinking, it's just not me!)
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