I'm so sorry if this is long i just don't know what to do. A bit of background I am a mum to 4 children (my 6year old was born with DS) I am a full time student at university. I was with my ex partner for 7 years our relationship has been turbulent for a very long time. There has been violence, headbutting when I was pregnant (due to me playfully cupping his man hood not knowing how sensitive he was and he subsequently kicked off) had glasses of wine thrown at me and smashed next to me, he pushed me into the sofa and said he would stab me with a fork and watch me bleed out, he's dragged me about by my hair, threw the cat litter tray all over the stairs at midnight because I refused to talk to him, destroyed every special occasion (including my birthday yesterday) the list is endless. I am no angel and a lot of these situations I probably didn't help he's recently explained it to me as prodding the bear and knowing what buttons to push. Anyways I've been building the confidence to leave and my end of year exam was near, due to COVID it had to be done online almost every other day for the 2 weeks before he threatened to not look after the kids etc anyways the day before my exam we had his daughter staying over for the weekend and she was due to go home (very lengthy 5 year court battle) the first time we've seen her in 11 weeks, he says to me he wants to keep his daughter for longing subsequently breaking the court order and the law (which I am studying) I explained I didn't think it was a good idea due to my SD being away from us for over 11 weeks and she's very clingy to her mum not only that it was my last night to revise before the exam and she always keeps my younger two awake all night and no doubt her mum would of had the police round. He kicked off massively detailing how the world don't revolve around me and it's his daughter. He then began to call me by his ex's name I ignored this all for a few days and I then spoke to him and ended the day relationship which I have now stuck to for 4 months and I'm pretty proud of it. He is refusing to leave the house because women like me leave him homeless so I'm finding somewhere else to live. We currently live together. Things have got so bad then good then bad and I don't know what the hell im doing I'm trying to be kind and amicable and happy about day to day life and he sees that and tries it on sexually which I have never gave into. My bday yesterday ended with me showing him the card I got off my gran she wrote a lovely message and I showed him and I said I love that I'm developing a better relationship with my gran now. He got all antsy and said I need to tell my gran that me not coming to see her in the past and now beginning to see her after we've split is not his fault and he didn't tell me I couldn't go. I said she didn't think that and explained why I haven't previously went for the 20th time and he just attacked me started calling me every name possible saying I was a disgusting granddaughter and mother and so many other things he was awful and I screamed back I shouldn't have but I lost it and told him I hated him and my only problem is him (he's trying to make me believe I have depression that's severe I don't) I feel terrible and can't believe I said those things. I just needed a vent there's so much more to my life and story I just don't know where to begin or what to do. I've applied for housing and I'm getting support through the police support team and a DV charity but I feel like if I'm here any longer I will lose my mind. I don't want to kick him out because I couldn't hurt him like that I know it doesn't sound right but I just couldn't. He's made his family believe and told me over and over I am psychologically abusing him I've became obsessed about this researching it and believing I am doing just that. Thankyou for reading. Any advice of a similar situation how did you cope living together for such a long time, I don't want to have a breakdown or just lose it.
I often struggle with anxiety. I feel great sometimes and other times I don't know why Im not happy and dont enjoy anything. People trying to talk to me and my anxiety goes up. I am on 10mg of lexapro...anybody had good experience with this?
Hey Everyone, I just joined this group today. I wanted to give a little background on myself. I've had anxiety since I was a child, and I'm 33 now. I've been on an antidepressant since 18. I usually have panic attacks and come out of them unscathed. However, this is the second time in two years that I've had a generalized anxiety episode. It's been going on now for two months. I upped my meds...