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Reconciliation and repair.

deleted_user
deleted_user
I have read many posts that have the same theme with folks wondering if they should consider reconciliation, repair, and renewal of their marriages. I too have considered this question and I came up with the following truth.

Before we consider any kind of repair and healing process in our relationships, we first have to define and diagnosis the person who broke their marriage vows. Is he, or she on drugs? We must know this, because if drugs are involved, a degree of difficulty will be present. Is he, or she a malignant narcissist, or a sociopath, or a psychopath? If the person in question has any one these tremendous problems, would you want to be intimate with such a person now that you know what they are?

The next step is to look in the mirror and ask ourselves the same questions. Do we have these traits, or not? If so then what do we do? The answer to these questions are going to be tough.

My question to the community is would you want to consider reconciliation with someone who is a true psychopath, or sociopath?


Thank you.

Mo...
deleted_user
deleted_user
Of course I want to go back to the narcissistic bastard.
Why would I possibly want a new life when I could go back to hell?

No, no, no, no, NO

I'm on a path to heal myself. Moving forward, not backwards.

And I do understand that some people can repair their marriages. I wish them well.
I just know that mine is over and i need to let it be over.
deleted_user
deleted_user
LOL Sara!!! After the initial shock of him leaving... I am finding my days more peaceful...I sleep better not worrying that I will get a phone call that my ex is in jail with DUI, I know if there is a mess in the house (and really, there's not many anymore :) ) that I am only cleaning up after myself, and, as I mentioned before, I am saving a TON of money of toilet paper!!!! I am finally happy where I am...not looking back, and not looking too far ahead either...
deleted_user
deleted_user
I think, there is a difference between when there is a hope to help another to overcome their problems. I wouldn't want to be the one to abandon another in the moment when they might need help the most....it is a tough question and I think I would put it in slightly different way to myself: would I have peace of mind knowing that I gave on someone who might have medical condition and needed help. having said that, however, I admit that I cannot possibly say for sure what I would do if I would find myself in such situation, so I'm opened to the alternative opinions.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I have been told by my marrital therapist that she suspected that my husband was a narcissist. She saw him a total of 4 times. But since learning of the diagnosis I have watched out for the signs of symptoms in his dealings. He appears to fit the bill. Mental illness does run in his family (his father and 2 of his siters have bipolar). My husband has always had mood issues.

I know think about how our relationship fell appart due to my husbands in ability to communicate, tolerate stress and his progressive porn addiction. It had terrible effectson my selfesteem. A miracle would have to happen for this to be a healthy arrangement. But I would welcome it if God saw it fit. But I see no signs of that happening for now. So moving forward and not looking back.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Reply to #3 (Svetik) You have described exactly how I feel, which is why I am still involved with my STBX. This is my dilemma: self preservation, versus, altruism and selflessness. I have chosen to suffer through the pain of being discontent out of the love I feel for this women, so my choice is to be supportive and stay. It is a true Gregory Bateson style "double-bind situation.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I have to disagree with the premise of this thread.

If you want reconciliation and repair of your relationship, then you MUST FIRST work on yourself.

You must clear any judgments and ill feelings. You must not expect anything from the other person, just accept them as they are. You must not attempt to make them see their faults or take blame.

People are as perfect as they are fallible. It's not up to you to say they are right or wrong. It's up to you to accept them and be there - or not. To truely love them - or not.

Learn to make better decisions for YOUR life, not theirs. That's why you should consider working on yourself - unless you're already perfect and infallible.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Yeh, I miss his BS, cheating ways, still doing it as I speak.
So no, will be fine, when I find myself again. Anyone who can look you in the face, and tell you BS, is not worth a second guess.
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