I don't envy your position. You are the only one who can answer these questions. I'm sorry you are going thru this. I hope you make a decision that you can be proud of.

agree with lane. really need to make this decision on your own. we will be here to support you either way.

not being a smart alec here, but you already know how it feels to hurt through all this, the chance is a life with happiness, or it won't work. ive not had an opportunity to work things out with my ex, but if i did, i'd take it without hesitation.

seems like the grass is always greener theory proved wrong for the mrs. in this instance. I truly believe that if you love her then you should act according to those feelings. a heart to heart with her may help if you let her know all the secrets that make you love her. just a thought

If she wants to reconcille becuse she loves you and wants to give the relationship another shot i would reconcile.
If she wants to reconcile for the kids or because she feels the divorce would be difficult I would not reconcile.
If her reasons are anything but the two of you loving each other and giving the relationship another try then it will not work out and your relationship will be in the same place this time next year.

PGASC, I gave it a second shot, it was beautiful...for 9 months until it went back to the s.o.s. But I would definitely do a second chance again. Keep open honest communication top priority BUT don't try to be someone you are not for the sake of the marriage! Wishes for the best!!!!! And if you don't try it again, you will never know if it could have worked.

I would give anything for a second chance. Do you love her? Do you want to make it work and are willing to put in the effort? If yes, go for it. get marriage counselling and get your hands on some reading to make sure this is it for the long haul. Best of luck.

If you decide to try to repair and reconcile do it with a counselor. They can help you to constructively work through your issues and it will give you more success for a succesful reconciliation.
I agree only you can make the final decision, just make sure it is for the right reasons for both of you.
I wish my ex would give me just one chance at reconciliation and I envy you the choice at all.

I had my wife read this post this morning. I believe in you guys and your no-nonsence opinions. The support that I have received over the last month has been incredible and helped me through alot of pain. I love and thank you all. scott

Only you can make that final decision, if she wants to reconcile and I am sure you still love her, I would start seeing a marriage counselor. Maybe this time apart has helped her see how life would be without you. Good Luck and God Bless!

Tough decision. You need to make a decision for you and look in the long term. You wife has money yea---but a lot of problems you yourself cannot fix. Look at how this will affect you over the long term. Can you stay healthy and feel like you have control over your life if you stay and work on the marriage. It's time to be selfish now. You sanity and self respect must be given a higher priority NOw.

Im all for marriage and for keeping one together... just a few words from someone who tried reconciling 4 times before the divorce.... IF you go back you can never demand her to change and she can never demand you to change... there will be none. You have to love one another for who you really are. Secondly, I dont know your story... but, if there has been other women and other men... you cannot rehash those transgressions over and over again... it will cause resentment. If you think its worth it and you know what your getting into... marriage is beautiful and its worth saving.

no body can make these decisions except for you. with me and now with marriage - what i have been going through - what i have witness with others; i found that marriage is a lot like a haircut, the more you mess with it, the more messed up it becomes. people reconcile all the time; but does marriage get better, or even get to the point that it was at (if that is even good)? For the most part, i am sorry to say, with my experience, it degrades, and resentment is always around and what was inevitable but swept under the carpet may just show itself again. also, one has to think what was the motivation of separating, "fell out of love" or actually testing the market? i know i am a downer, but my views toward this is pretty strong. of course, there are some rule breakers to this thought and i hope that you are one of them if you go back. get counseling and protect yourself and the children - remember though, a quote i heard, children would rather be from a broken home, than live in one. take care.

Scott,
Im not certain as to what you would get in writing? That she wants to reconcile? I know that reconciliation always sounds like a nice thing, that the couple has patched htings up and put all the bad stuff behind them and is now ready to move on-but ask yourself this:

If you were seperated, but still in the same house, she would have had ample opportunites to initiate or discuss a reconciliation. Now, what changed in your relationship that is making her see things differently?

Scott, yes, given your wife's propensity for expensive lawyering-up, get it in writing that she requested it and that she agrees to go to marital therapy and continue in AA. Her written request is important if you will want the separation period to toll for one year again if she again asks for a divorce. You may want to get a post-nuptial agreement as well since she tried to glom onto the 350K you put into the house. Any or all of these you can get, do.

Her disposition may improve greatly now that she is in AA; indeed she could become a changed person totally for the better.

Of course, this is all assuming you still want her.