Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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deleted_user 05/09/2007

Thought it might make me feel better to focus on all the bad stuff about my husband and what he has done rather than spend my days aching for the good times!

I hate that he fell out of love with me for no real reason other than his feelings changed
I hate that he walked away from our marriage and young baby without even trying to put things right when we used to be so perfect
I hate that I have lost my beautiful home and am now renting
I hate that unless I win the lottery I can never afford my own mortgage
I hate that because of him I will have to return to work full time in the future instead of part-time as planned
I hate that I won't be giving Oliver a brother or sister with the same dad (if at all)
I hate how much he has hurt both mine and his family
I hate how he has made me question my own abilities as a wife
I hate that he has made me a single parent
I hate it that I can never spend every single weekend with Oliver, because of what he's done and will have access to him
I hate that I will have to give Oliver to him over holidays/christmases
I hate the fact that Oliver won't be growing up with a mummy and daddy in the same house
I hate it that although he is lonely and unhappy that is preferable to coming back and trying to put things right.

There you go - I feel better now!

deleted_user 05/09/2007

Hi! Although I don't have kids, I'm going through the same situation. It's VERY difficult!

deleted_user 05/09/2007

I hate the lies, mistrusts, betrayal and irresponsibility.

deleted_user 05/09/2007

Kinoka, we must have married the same man...

deleted_user 05/09/2007

I don't have kids either, but I also feel fragile and vulnerable. It is really hard! but I decided to trust myself and keep going!

deleted_user 05/09/2007

Right there with ya!!

deleted_user 05/09/2007

I hate that he turned off his love for me without warning. He gave himself a six-month process to distance himself from me emotionally. I had to experience the shock of him leaving with only a few weeks warning. I hate how he equates his pain with what I am going through now.

I hate that he turned to someone else before trying to fix things with me or warning me that he was so unhappy he was ready to leave.

I hate how he will not let me back into his heart except for a few moments here and there when he has his guard down.

deleted_user 05/09/2007

As I have recently filed for divorce, this makes me think of all the things that I am going to hate about. How easy it is to walk away from their families without a care in the world. What twists my stomach is the day when I have turn my kids over to him on holidays or for long periods of time in the summer. This sickens me. It is not fair because this is not what I wanted, now I will miss out on large parts of their lives because of him.

deleted_user 05/10/2007

munch, I know how you feel. In the begining I hated the though of not being able to give my son a brother or sister, but now I know I wouldn't want to perpetuate stbx's blod line. My son is lucky he got my genes :)

deleted_user 05/10/2007

I hate that I have given him 20 years of my life with very little in return:

I hate that he told me "I'm setting you free, Go find another man!"
I hate that he acts like I'm his Mom
I hate that he can not make even 1 D**M decision with asking me!
I hate that he plays mindgames with me
I hate that he is good in bed BECAUSE I trained HIM!
I hate that he will work overtime and then be OK with NOT getting paid for it!
I hate he never plans for the future!
I hate he told our son that "I paid for college by working, so you do it!"
I hate that he puts work and others before his own family
I hate that he will not take antidepressive meds
I hate that he "pretends to care" in front of others
I hate he told our son on Easter "I'm going to beat the sh** out of your MOM!"
I hate that he has bankrupt us

guess I'm ready to leave this abusive man.....I'm still affraid of the future because of him and his BS.

thanks for letting me vent.

deleted_user 05/10/2007

Come on folks - I'm up for a good venting as much as the next ape. And lord knows that my list of reasons to hate is at least as long as the ones noted herein. But all this hate... where is it getting us.

Please remember, we have only two things to spend - time and money. And we can make more money. So that would make time about the most precious resource we have.

So what do you get in return for your investment in hate. While it may pay a few short-term dividends, I promise you that there are better investments of time. Investments that pay short and long-term rewards far in excess of anything provided by hate.

While the pain is real, and I don't make any pretense about the misery our ex-spouses have caused, I propose that hate is of very little value to us personally and is of pretty much no value to anyone else.

The sooner you can let go of the hate, the more time you will have to reward yourself for the strength you found to get out of bed yet one more time. The sooner you stop hating, the sooner you will begin loving again.

I do not mean to preach, I just know that nothing good ever happened because one person hated another. And you are my friends and I would like to see good things happen for you all.

Harley.

deleted_user 05/10/2007

Thanks Harley, I was just about ready to jump on this band wagon because i think through hating or disliking our exs we come to think of them as exs and not as partners, or husbands or wives...people that have hurt us. Maybe we need it to take them to a different level for US. But it is true, these people, the exs and their new OP truly don't care about us already so why would they care how we feel about them, if we hate them, are indifferent or whatever. The sooner we can sort through these feelings of hate, maybe just call it dislike? the better for ourselves. Harley maybe you've just been through that stage already...and let go. I could combine everyones post and they ALL apply to me. Sometimes i still feel the hate and anger but more and more it is turning to sad reflection and i assume that too will give way to something else....happiness i hope. I am tired and i read somewhere that when you are finally tired of suffering, you will give up...so for me that means to give up analyzing, give up missing what i had, accept the fact...he just does not love me, never will I just hope one day he will consider it his loss. Right now it seems a sacrifice he is glad to make---that is what hurts.

deleted_user 05/10/2007

Laura - Hate is an appropriate response to what has been done to us by those we trusted and loved. And hate is an important component of healing and moving on.

But if our hearts are filled with hate, then there's no room for anything else.

deleted_user 05/10/2007

And the opposite of Congress is progress.

But what I can't figure out is what's another word for synonym?

deleted_user 05/10/2007

Very articulate and very accurate Harley, Thanks.

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