In short....yes ( my opinion only).
Have you checked out alonon(sp)?
Get some counseling for yourself...marriage counseling if he is willing.If he is unwilling, still get counseling for yourself.
Staying with him will show your children an unhealthy marriage is acceptable and they may repeat the same cycle. Your children are watching more than you think!
Hang in there....it's a tough road ahead, but you can do it.
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

If you think you would be happier alone then you need to file for divorce. If you are unhappy in a marriage and you know your feeling are not the same then it is time to go. No one can really answer. You going to have to figure tha one decide own. You have to realize if you were unhappy with his ways then the are not going to change it might be ok for a couple months but nine times out of ten he will return to the same person he was. Ususally they have to realize what they did wrong and people usually dont. Think about the time you were apart and together figure out from there waht you want to do. I think you really need to do some soul searching. And for the simple fact he is making you feel guilty like this is your fault and it is his. That is mental abuse and most cheaters do that. Making it seem that it would be your fault for him cheating and filing for a divorce. No he stepped out while you remained faithful and if your children become hurt in this it would be his fault and not yours. You need to remind him of that!!!!!! And if he really loved you he would have went to you instead of anther women you deserve better then that.

I am definitely not a pro at this, since I am in my own mess, but from what you are telling me I can gather that
1. You are very unhappy.

2. He is treating you badly, he committed adultery

3. He is black-mailing you with guilt that the kids will suffer (even though i am sure they are not happy to see their mother being controlled)

4 You tried to rebuild your relationship and it is just not working

I know you are probably having a really shitty day, but do this...let this bad day blow over, sit down with yourself when you are in a calm, straight state of mind , look at the above reasons and ask yourself is this relationship really worth saving and why?
Is this man good for you and will he ever be?

No one can tell you to stay or leave, only you know this.
As far as loving someone - you can't tell your heart not to love, but you can figure out when living with the object of your love is bad .

I was really concerned about how my life will be when i divorce with children...the hardest day i think was when he actually moved out. It is still hard, but life goes on. I now belong to me. I decide what happens. you are a woman and i hate to say this, but it is true, if you live in US you have all the power in the world in the divorce.
It works horribly when a woman is jerk and refuses to have a good father in the kids' lives, but when you are the good guy and your husband is a piece of S..t it can work very well.
Talk to a lawyer and a counselor.
Good luck.

Thank you to all that replied - I very much appreciated it.

Divorce is not an event; it's a process. Whether it takes three weeks, three months, or three years, nothing will be solved immediately. Take a deep breath and relax as much as you can.

There are steps most people go through in the process of a separation and divorce, similar to the steps in the grieving process after a death: denial, anger, grief, and acceptance. A person in the denial stage can go through the motions of filing paperwork, but will not be "ready" for a divorce until the steps are completed.

Often, partners do not progress through these steps at the same speed or same time. A spouse who has been secretly planning to leave the marriage for some time may have gone through all four stages before the spouse who's left behind becomes aware there's a problem. The process should and can wait until the second spouse works through his or her feelings.

Two issues should be handled expeditiously: 1) You and the children must be safe. 2) You and the children must have a roof over your heads and food on the table. These are survival questions. Once they're provided for, the rest can take as long as you need.

Unless a survival issue is at hand, there's no reason to rush to file a divorce. Often there is no advantage to filing first. Wait until you feel you can handle it, both financially and psychologically.

The longer you have been invested in a marriage, the more thought you should give to working to save it, if that's possible. Marriage counseling, if both parties put their hearts into it, often helps. If there is no hope, either because of misconduct or a lack of love, then you should give some thought to ending the relationship expeditiously. Life isn't a dress rehearsal. You don't have the opportunity to do it again, if you regret being unhappy for ten or 20 years by failing to take action.

You can always "win" a divorce the hard way, cutting and slashing, with a winner-take-all attitude. It will cost you a lot more, both in money and mental health. But will it really be worth it ten years from now? There are some people who can have a "friendly" divorce.

There are some people who can't. If you're one of the former, work through your settlement and go on with your lives.

If you're one of the latter, deal with the abuse or the adultery or the immediate problem as distantly as you can, and try to settle the rest. No one will expect you to be best friends. But you have the ability to take control of whatever issues are not too painful and work through them. Empower yourself.

When you're going through a divorce, everyone will have war stories and advice for you. What you really need to know is that each legal process is different, because the facts of each person's existence are never identical. Just because Joe or Sandy at your shop pays $100 a month in child support or got the house doesn't mean you will. Just because they didn't, doesn't mean you won't.

Laws change; the way people got divorced 20 years ago may be totally irrelevant. Ask a legal professional for the straight story, based on current law in your state.

Some people really get emotionally invested in concern about their partner's new love. You might take some comfort in the fact that rebound relationships hardly ever work.

Be aware that once you involve the court in your life, the rules change. Husbands and wives who may have cheated on their taxes for years find that one may use it in court against the other. Parents who may have smoked marijuana together the whole time they were married may get turned in to the police now that a custody action is pending. Casual babysitting arrangements that were fine when the parties were together come under fire. Think about possible consequences before you act.

Friends and Family

Your friends and family can be the backbone of your support at this time in your life. If you suddenly decide to quit your job and move to a distant city to get away from the whole situation (and the ex), you may be leaving the only support system you have in place.

At the same time, those you care about can do a lot to help or harm your children during the legal process and after. They should never run down the other parent in front of the children. This is still the child's mother or father, due a certain love and respect simply because of that relationship. If that person is a deadbeat, a liar, or an abuser, the child will learn that on his own as the years pass. Let him keep that idealism -- we all lose it soon enough.

Encourage children's relationships with extended family when it's not harmful. Just as you will always be your child's parent, these people will always be your child's grandparents, aunts, uncles, and other relatives. Sometimes when parents are fighting, it's nice for the children to have familiar places they can escape to, with family members to remind them they're loved.

If friends offer to take the children for an evening to give you a break, say yes! There seems to be a SuperMan/ Woman expectation in our culture that encourages single parents to make martyrs of themselves and prove they can do it all. You deserve to take time for yourself -- make it a weekly gift to you.

Often, friends and family members who always disagreed with your choice of partner (but who never said so) will be glad to tell you once you've broken up. Give yourself permission to tell them to butt out when you've heard enough.

At the same time, take advantage of the opportunity to renew closeness with those who may have grown distant because of conflict with your partner. Get past those petty resentments and rejoin the family!

People you know will often encourage you to "get back on the horse" and start dating soon after a breakup. There is no "right" period of time to wait. Some consideration should be given to the legal consequences; ask your attorney if dating will affect any upcoming custody or support matters. If it won't hurt your case, and you feel up to it, go ahead!

But, if you don't feel like dating, speak up and tell people you're not interested. It's your life. Only you know what progress you're making.

If you have a new companion, that person may want to be supportive of you to the point that he/she involves him/herself in the conflict with your soon-to-be ex, particularly in areas of custody and support. While it's commendable for them to want to help, often just the fact of that person's existence is enough to drive the other party mad. Remember that these are your kids. You and the other parent should be the ones discussing any children or money issues. Don't complicate the situation by allowing third parties, however well-intentioned, to interfere in what should be simple negotiations based on what is best for your children.

After It's Over

Take a deep breath. Divorce has probably been one of the most difficult periods of your life, even if it's something you chose. If you have children, you're realizing that you're still tied to their other parent after the divorce, at least until they're 18, and probably on through graduations, weddings, and even grandchildren. (But take heart -- many find after the pressure cooker of the breakup is done, they can become civil again, at least for the sake of their children.) There are final documents to sign, deeds to draw and record, pensions to be collected, houses to be closed up and sold. That life is done.

One door closes behind; another opens ahead. How you spend the rest of your life is up to you. Empower yourself to say "Yes!" to all that awaits, and step through that door. You have survived. Be well. Tread your road gladly, armed with the lessons you've learned. Be good to yourself.
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